What's on now
Scrubs
J.D.: Go ahead, insult me like you always do.
Janitor: Too easy. When you least expect it...
--------------------------------------------
Janitor (to J.D): You seem unhappy. I like that.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: ...And bam! The shine's off the apple. And that's when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the "whoa-whoa, here she comes" kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink.
Of course, I may have tormented her from time to time; but, honest to God, that's what I thought marriage was all about. So much so that, by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know who I hated more - her or me? I used to sit around and wonder... why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were.
And here, it turns out, the answer's pretty simple: They weren't unhappy. We were.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox (to J.D.): Oh, my God! I care so little, I almost passed out!
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Sir, I promise you, if you offer her the job again she'll say yes. And I'll do anything, I'll pick up extra shifts, I'll volunteer - I'll volunteer at the clinic; Whatever you want!
Dr. Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
--------------------------------------------
Janitor: Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm. I told Security to look into it. But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward.
--------------------------------------------
Carla: (about a male intern) You're right; he definitely has a cute little butt.
J.D.: Who cares? Everyone has a cute butt; I have a cute butt.
Carla: You should bring it in someday
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Sir, my father cut me off...
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, this is not "Bring Your Problems to Work" Day. This is just "Work" Day.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: This is the reason why your headache didn't go away: That's actually pronounced analgesic, not anal-gesic. Sir, the pills go in your mouth.
--------------------------------------------
Jordan: Could you be a bigger ass right now?
Dr. Cox: Could you have a bigger ass right now?
--------------------------------------------
Turk: How can you make love to your wife if she's at fat camp?
Dr. Kelso: The real question is: how can I make love to her when she's *not* at fat camp?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: (about his wife): Fat camp. Six years she's been going there, and the only thing getting any thinner is my wallet!
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: You see, surgical and medical interns are kinda like two rival gangs. Not real gangs, more like those cheesy gangs you see in Broadway musicals.
--------------------------------------------
Carla: Elliot, you know how they say, "No one will ever love you until you learn to love yourself?"
Elliot: My mother used to say, "No one will ever love you."
--------------------------------------------
Janitor: What is it with steel wool? Is it steel? Or is it wool?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Let me introduce you to, A Man Who Doesn't Care.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Do you want me to order you a clown?
J.D.: A drunk clown hurt me once.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: It sounds like you're asking me out on a man date.
J.D.: Turk, why are you so afraid of loving me?
--------------------------------------------
Turk: He was up all night with a high fever, cramping and crying.
J.D.: Dude!
Turk: Oh, my bad. Not crying, punching the wall all manly and angry like, you know what I mean?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, I need to get Enid a birthday present.
Elliot: Um... well, a scarf is always nice.
Dr. Kelso: That's perfect. It's simple; it's elegant; and it'll hide her turkey neck.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Dr. Miller accused me of being sexist. Me! I'm marrying Carla - who do you think wears the pants? And the shirts... and the shoes... and sometimes my underwear.
Elliot: Really?
Turk: I said nothing.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox (talking to God): Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don't, do ya? I'm onto you, Big Man.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Ooh, Dr. Cox, can I ask you something?
Dr. Cox: The answer is yes, it was me who saw you doing leg lifts in the gym on that inflatable ball. It was quite the display of girl power.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Laverne, did you ever notice that in hospitals, even though you're surrounded by like hundreds of people, it's still so easy to get lost in your own thoughts?
Nurse Roberts: Have you been drinkin'?
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: One thing I've learned is to never play Operation against a surgeon for money.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Eight seconds! Is that a new record, baby?
Carla: That depends, what are we talking about?
--------------------------------------------
Turk: It's weird. Just by the simple act of pushing me to do the right thing, I remembered why Carla's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
--------------------------------------------
Janitor: (over PA) Dr. Dorian, Dr. Turk is free for his rectal exam. He said you'd know what that means.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Why don't I ever listen to me?
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Um, Sir I don't think I look unprofessional.
Dr. Kelso: I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months, but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain I'm going to give you the same advice I give my son every morning. Lose the makeup! Get a haircut! And stop using my razor to shave your fun zone!
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Babe, you gotta understand. A guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me, I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off!
--------------------------------------------
Turk: I don't understand it. This wedding is supposed to be about us - how come I can't be comfortable?
Carla: And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats!
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Hm! Can't believe Chuck gave up stripping to become a city councilman!
Carla: Same job, different outfit.
--------------------------------------------
Turk to J.D.: Dude, with Danni you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize. Focus in on how great it is to be single! Chasing tail! Hell, I miss it every day.
Carla: Oh, you don't care if you ever have sex again, do you?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Ted have you noticed how happy all the minions are lately?
Ted: I wish I was dead
--------------------------------------------
Jordan: Look, I've seen your type before. You're that girl that convinced herself she wanted to lose her virginity at a frat party while another guy was asleep in the room.
Elliot: Chas really cared for me.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: (to Jordan) And if you lay one finger on me, I'm blowing my rape whistle.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Well isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Oh, Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?
Dr. Cox: No, Barbie, no... it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively *to* clowns.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: (thinking) Then he said something I never expected to hear.
Janitor: I don't like you.
J.D.: (thinking) Not that I totally expected that.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I honestly think the only reason that you're not down at that hospital right now is that... you're afraid.
Dr. Cox: I think you're right, I do. It's partly because you've gotten to know me this year, but mostly it's that well... I told you I was afraid earlier today... so please don't tell me you've come to reiterate things that I've already said, because I know the things that I've already said, in fact... I'm the one who said them.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox (to Dr. Kelso): They hate you Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox (to Dr. Kelso): You'd better go ahead and enjoy this while you can, Bob, because if your evil genie goes ahead and grants your wish and I'm gone forever, then the only one you're going to be able to contend with around here is yourself. And when you really get to know *that* person, oh, dear God, you'll scream so loud that Satan will want to tear up that contract he made with you at birth just so he can get some sleep.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot (to Jordan): I doubt sex for you is about making babies, because you'd probably just eat them anyway, and driving over to Dr. Cox's place and pleasuring him while he watches sports hardly counts as revenge.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: You know, the only way you could be more useless right now is if you actually were the wall. Now, it certainly is true that you'd at least be serving a purpose - specifically a surface for a jackass to lean against - but it could be argued that this is more useless than doing nothing.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox: I'm hoping for your sake there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me.
Elliot: I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me by sending me to Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.
--------------------------------------------
Nurse: Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: (Looking at the patient) It looks like his eyes are screaming...
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox (on Jordan, his ex-wife): She's the devil, Newbie. Don't look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.
--------------------------------------------
Janitor: You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.
J.D.: But I've only worked here for three months.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does - chicks, money, power and chicks.
--------------------------------------------
J.D. (to Janitor): Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time?
Janitor: I don't jump out and scare you. I follow you around all day. I only got about an hour and a half of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you, like an animal.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said, "Stay in the MRI room with that patient", it must have sounded like, "Leave and do other things".
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: She likes to joke that I choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, and now she's just a shell of a woman. I think that's so cute... I called her Shelley. You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries.
--------------------------------------------
Jordan: I don't dislike you, I nothing you.
J.D.: That's special.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
J.D.: We could die.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Ah, sorry to interrupt you there, Bobbo, but I gotta ask you a quick question. Now, when you were born, nay, *spawned* by the Dark Prince himself, did that rat bastard forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way? Because you can't just let two good nurses go on account of feeling small and insignificant. And besides, with your money, you ought to be able to keep a little man tucked away in the closet, and bring him out whenever you wanna *knock* him around, huh?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Who're you?
Janitor: Just a man with a saw.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: You know, when you stop being frightened, time really is on your side. And you can just go on being you.
--------------------------------------------
J.D. (after slamming his hand in the hinged counter): Aaaah! My 'me time' hand!
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: You know, Bob, I've been thinking of all the times you manipulated me and toyed with me and I can't help but recall that children's fable about that race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates.
You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him, but right at the end... oh, gosh I'm sure you remember what happened Bob, the tortoise bit clean through the Chief of Medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive right there on the racetrack.
It's a disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me nonetheless.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Buzzy, buzz, buzz...
Dr. Cox: I... beg your pardon?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, uh, that's the sound of all the bees in your bonnet. And, Perry, even though I could give a rat's ass, I still think it's a pretty sound!
--------------------------------------------
Todd (playing Pacman): Oh, Miss Pacman, I would sex that bow right off your head. Eat those dots you naughty, naughty girl.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Ankles is a simple game. The first one to get embarrassed and pull up their scrubs loses.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Let's play Steak.
J.D.: What?
Turk: Steak. The first person to finish their steak is the winner of Steak.
--------------------------------------------
Janitor: Hey, Idiot.
(J.D. turns around)
Janitor: Heh. I said idiot and you turned around.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: It's hard to take positive steps, when you've burned the bridge you got to walk across.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Sure, Jordan, you can take over the master bathroom. Just make sure you leave my sleeping pills out. So that I could, you know, swallow about 300 of them...
--------------------------------------------
Lisa (after kissing J.D.): Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you having a good time?
J.D.: Actually, it's a roll of quarters. Laundry day.
--------------------------------------------
Old Doctor: Ahh, it's a bouncing baby boy. Another ready soldier in the war against communism.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Newbie, stay. Stay. Bad newbie. That's a very bad newbie.
--------------------------------------------
Carla: You can deny you like her all you want. But, I know for a fact, that every time you guys are done playing racquetball or having a conversation or whatever it is you crazy kids are calling it, you like nothing more than to just lie next to Jordan and watch her sleep.
Dr. Cox: It would be impossible for me to lie next to Jordan. She sleeps hanging from a ramp in the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Perry.
Dr. Cox: BeelzeBob.
--------------------------------------------
Todd: I'd like to double her entendre.
--------------------------------------------
Todd (to J.D., about Elliot): So, what are her breasts like?
Elliot: Todd, I'm right here.
Todd: Oh, sorry... So, what are your breasts like?
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Dr. Kelso. The doc here has been telling me that you have some great stories. I wouldn't mind hearing one sometime.
Dr. Kelso: Oh what the hell. Back in '68 I don't like you. The end.
--------------------------------------------
Todd: I have to go, there's a breast reduction on the fourth floor... I'm gonna go try and stop it.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Time to take the GR off my Gratitude and give that old bastard some Attitude, J.D. style.
Carla: His office is that way.
J.D.: Yeah, I have to throw up first.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Cox, did you get my memo stating that residents should wear their lab coats at all times?
Dr. Cox: Yes I did. At first I just threw it away, but then I thought, that's not grand enough a gesture; so I made a model of you out of straw, put my lab coat on it - with your memo in the pocket - and invited the neighbourhood kids to set fire to it and beat it with sticks.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Why aren't you using the mop I bought you?
Janitor: I didn't like it.
J.D.: But you cried!
Janitor: No, that was you.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Don't you think that's a little sexist, sir?
Dr. Kelso: I don't know. Is it sexist to hold the door for a woman? Is it sexist to keep the attractive nurses and let go of a few ugos? The rules are changing so fast I just can't keep up.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: What do I know about good relationships? Yesterday I had funeral sex.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: There are a lot of ways to grieve, but last time I checked, wheelbarrow style wasn't one of them.
--------------------------------------------
J.D. (while inspecting a suspicious mole on the Janitor's penis): Hmm... it looks benign.
Janitor: Yeah, 'bout nine, nine and half.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: So what you're saying is you have a problem that is totally your problem but you'd like to find a way to make that problem my problem, but here's the problem, newbie, it ain't my problem.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox (to an overweight patient): Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode?
Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad.
And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth?
And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Shower shorts, newbie?
J.D.: For the man who has nothing to hide, but still wants to.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: I heard you're telling everyone I violated you.
J.D.: Not everyone. Just the people that work here. Oh, and my parents.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Dr. Cox...
Dr. Cox: Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'.
J.D.: See ya.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Mr. Bragen, it is so great to see you back in the hospital.
Mr. Bragen: Woo-hoo. I've got a tube in my penis.
--------------------------------------------
Paul Flowers: Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane you idiot.
Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains, well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic.
I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks.
Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.
--------------------------------------------
Carla (to toddler Jack), at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony: You have no chance of being normal.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: It's funny, I guess sometimes when you do nothing at all, things just have a way of fixing themselves.
J.D.: Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Elliot, come on. You're living out of a van like a homeless person... or Jewel.
--------------------------------------------
Carla: What are you guys talking about?
Turk: Nothing, guy talk.
J.D.: Bitches and Hoes.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Hey Ace, your TTP patient coded, I pronounced it.
J.D.: He died?
Dr. Kelso: I certainly hope so otherwise that autopsy is going to be a bitch.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman... What are we doing?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies.
Will they? Won't they?
And then they finally do, and they're happy forever.
Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic.
I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken.
You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down.
One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something.
--------------------------------------------
Janitor: I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Son, do you think I got to be Chief of Medicine by being late?
Dr. Cox: Noooo, Bobbo, you got there by backstabbing and ass-kissing.
Dr. Kelso: Maybe so, but I started those things properly at eight!
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I don't want to hear anything out of that man's mouth other than ‘Oh no, I'm dying, there's a bright light, but wait a minute, this is wrong, I'm in hell! Hitler, Musollini... Captain Kangaroo? That's not right’….
--------------------------------------------
Carla: Christopher!
Turk: Christopher? You only call me Christopher when you're mad or when we're having sex... Baby, are you mad when we're having sex?
Carla: Sometimes.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: Position one, two or three?
J.D.: We only had two.
Elliot: Oh yeah. Then I have to show you something later.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso (to Dr. Cox): I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the comedian at that strip joint in Reno... I'm not here for the jokes.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Can we at least have sex?
Jordan puts on sleeping mask: Do what you have to, don't wake me.
--------------------------------------------
Doug: I'll have to agree with Chad. Turk, Carla, you guys are awesome. This is an awesome wedding and I'm having an awesome time and you two are gonna have an awesome life. Awesome!
--------------------------------------------
Jordan (to Cox): I refuse to be judged by a grown man wearing a hockey jersey. Which reminds me, Jimmy’s mom called, and if you guys win the big game today, she's gonna take everybody out to Chucky Cheese!
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I don't necessarily buy all this new-agey crap. One time I saw my mom knock my father unconscious with a frying pan. And d'you know what I did? I kept right on going with my birthday party.
--------------------------------------------
Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr. Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: I am considering offering full body scans here at Sacred Hearts. What do you think?
Dr. Cox: I think showing perfectly healthy people every harmless imperfection in their body just to scare them into taking an invasive and often pointless test is an... unholy sin!
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, sounds a little sketchy ethically.
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: But if the ceremony's in Spanish, how will I know when you guys are married?
Carla: We all shoot off our guns and throw tortillas in the air.
Elliot: Really? Oh, I wish I was ethnic.
--------------------------------------------
Todd: The Todd appreciates hot, regardless of gender.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: (thinking) Oh, my God, I just said slave to my black girlfriend!
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Ben... you have leukaemia.
Ben: That sucks.
J.D.: Yeah.
--------------------------------------------
Ben (to J.D).: Ya know something? You have slept with both of my sisters. So that means that you and I have something in common.
--------------------------------------------
Ben: Hey, JD, my sister, Danni, is more of a gentle kisser, don't you think? But I find that Jordan is a little bit more on the lines of teeth and tongue and fangs.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I'm invisible...
Elliot: Oh, Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: Awww, dammmit!
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: I have magic breasts.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: You know, I love how kids of divorce really have the market cornered on family dysfunction. But let me share with you a typical Thanksgiving at the Turk household: It starts with my mother yelling at my sister for yelling at my grandmother who's yelling at the television screen, which happens to be the microwave.
And then my militant brother Jabari - formerly Bob - gives my father attitude for using the word black, even though he's referring to the turkey. Which, by the way, only got burnt because instead of turning the oven off, my bi-polar aunt Leslie tried to shove her head in it. But you know what we do? We kiss... and we hug... and we apologize for all the things we said... 'Cause a month later, we gonna get together and do it again at Christmas!
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Oh, I am so very angry that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I... I'm sorry. Um... crazy person says what?
Jordan: (angry) What?
Dr. Cox: Atta girl.
--------------------------------------------
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: I think you mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God! I just gagged and vomited at the same time. I gavomited.
--------------------------------------------
Turk: Woman, I was covered in BEES!
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: What an odd-sized explosion...
--------------------------------------------
Turk: I love large groups of white people eating pollen…
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't schedule love.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I think your credit card statement would beg to differ.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Ahh. Uncomfortable silences and alcohol. Just like thanksgiving at home...
--------------------------------------------
Elliot: If there's one thing I've learned at this hospital, it's to never antagonize your boss or the people who makes the food, because you end up eating poo.
Dr. Cox: If this continues, you will be dead. And I'm not talking about the "Oh, my God, if I don't get invited to the prom, I'm going to die" type of dead, I'm talking *dead*, dead. Is that clear enough for you?
Because if it's not, I could of course text you on my Blackberry or my Blueberry or my Chuck Berry... although technically Chuck Berry is a blackberry... the point is, you gotta stop wasting everyone's time and grow up. Is that clear to you, sweetheart?
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox about Doug: I swear, that young man has killed so many people, I'm starting to think he just might be a government agent.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Nothing worth having comes easy.
--------------------------------------------
Todd: So, once you've got the hole at the bottom of the popcorn box, it's basically just a waiting game.
Doug: And for the record, that technique does not work with hot nachos.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: Is that a cat being gutted by a fishing knife? No! That's my son. He's hungry and he's got a load in his pants so big I'm actually considering hiring a stable boy.
--------------------------------------------
Ted: And if you perform while under the influence... don't tell the patient. Unless they're dead, and in that case, if you're sure... very, very sure... you can tell them anything.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Come here, Tom.
Ted: Actually, it's Ted. But hey, it's only been twelve years.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Sweet dancing Jehovah! I've punctured my brain.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Kelso: Ketchup is for winners, Ted!
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Now... that tumour's looking so big... it's beginning to look like a threemour...
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Dr. Cox, can I ask you something?
Dr. Cox: I'd say you're about a B-cup, Susan.
--------------------------------------------
J.D.: Sticks and stones may break my bones...but words will hurt me forever.
--------------------------------------------
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
J.D.: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr. Cox: (taking the card back) You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?
Comments
