21 Things Only British People Find Funny
1. The weather
In 195 of the planet's 196 countries, simply looking at the sky and saying "This weather, eh?" would not be considered amusing in the slightest. This is because it would either be very pleasant, or a harsh fact of life that the residents have long since become accustomed to and would find defeatist and futile to point out and derive humour from. In Britain, it's the basis of almost every single friendship.
2. People falling over unspectacularly
Now we know you're probably thinking "Hey! People falling over is universally funny!", but there is a subtle nuance at play here. When someone falls over in a Hollywood motion picture, the tumble usually results in a building collapsing, exploding and then turning into green slime and covering everyone within a five mile radius, and then having them explode too. In Britain, the slower and more underwhelming the topple, the better.
3. Novelty holiday dress
If you're from somewhere other than Blighty, you're probably used to packing your best wares whenever you go on holiday (or 'vacation') with your friends. In Britain, it is actually illegal to leave the country without a knock-off Smurfs costume and a t-shirt displaying a denigrating message about your genitals.
Combining two words together is known as a 'portmanteau' internationally. In Britain, we call it 'a joke.'
5. Greeting your friend with an expletive
Running into your pal and immediately proceeding to pronounce them a "dickhead" would be considered, at best, impolite anywhere except Britain, where it has become so customary that the officers at border control welcome all visitors with a tirade of affectionate abuse.
6. People failing
Ambition and personal triumphs are celebrated almost everywhere except the British Isles, where we not only like to guffaw at the elites falling from grace, but also howl at the underdog getting trampled on for having the temerity to try anything at all.
Along with Jane Eyre, the complete works of Shakespeare and the pamphlet detailing the correct protocol for responding to air raid sirens, the definitive bullying-cookbook The Beano is compulsory reading for every British child.
8. Political cartoons
Science has found each and every political cartoon to be empirically and categorically not-funny, and yet the British remain the only peoples who actively enjoy them.
9. Dark humour
British Person #1: Cor blimey! How are you doing, me old china?
British Person #2: Not great actually, guv! Just got laid off, me wife's left me and taken the kids, and me mum's just kicked the bucket!
British Person #1: Lol!
10. Dry humour
British Person #1: Help, my inability to express any sentiment sincerely is alienating me from everyone I know and love. I can’t take it anymore. Help me. Please.
British Person #2: Lmao.
The British are currently the only people on the planet to practice sarcasm, much to the global community's chargrin. If you are ever in doubt as to whether something is sarcastic or not, first check if it has been written in italics or not.
12. Benny Hill
British people don't simply find Benny Hill funny, they find him funnier than anyone who ever has, or will, live.
If there's one thing British people find even funnier than Benny Hill, it's laughing at people who have less money than them, more money than them and better still, the middle class, who have both more and less money than them at once.
There's nothing funnier, or cuter, than an awkward British person, whether they're fluffing their lines during a best man's speech, fluffing their lines during a eulogy or fluffing their lines while giving evidence in front of Crown Court.
15. Dad jokes
The phenomenon of a so-bad-it's-good joke is exclusive to the British dad and their corny sense of humour. Whether they're dropping classics like responding to "I'm hungry" with "hi hungry, I'm dad!" quipping about the gulf, or walking out on your eleventh birthday and never coming back, the British dad is scientifically funnier than every other breed of father.
Are these pious servants of the lord, with their intentionally uneventful and quotidian lifestyles of quiet obedience funny? YES!!!
17. Drinking tea
HAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry it's difficult to ty-HAHAHAHAHA- OH MAN! TEA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
19. Mashed potato
AHAHAHAHAHAAHA! AOHEHEHEHOHOHEHEHE! HAHA! HA!
20. Comedy transvestism
Kenny Everett. Eddie Izzard. Mrs Brown. Masters of mirth, artisans of amusement, the leading experts in the field of jest. How can you not find these funny, rest of the world?!
This one was a mistake. Pantomime isn't funny at all. Sorry.
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