8 Things You'll Only Understand If You’re A Brit In Hot Weather
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Remove all clothes from body before sleeping.
It’s fucking hot and entirety of Britain has gone batshit.
Everyone is melting. You rue the day you didn’t buy that fan from Argos in March even though *every year* you say you’ll do it before it sells out but you don’t. No one has a thin enough bed sheet. Screw the bed sheet - no one can get more naked than naked. Open windows seems to make it hotter. Every 12 seconds you need to re-peel yourself off your bed. Your office somehow can’t turn the heating off (?). People are consuming 99 Flakes every 40 minutes in order to keep the temperature down. EVERYONE IN AMERICA IS LAUGHING AT YOU BUT THEY JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.
IT IS TOO WARM IN BRITAIN. THE SWANS HAVE MELTED. ICE CREAM TRUCKS ARE NOW MAD MAX STYLE ATTACK VEHICLES. PEOPLE USE PIMMS AS CURRENCY
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) June 18, 2017
We understand you.
1. Sleep is literally a thing of the past.
Honestly, you could be lying in the south of France right now and you’d probably be cooler. How is it 1am and your room is still sweltering? Body, sheet and mattress become indistinguishable. For the love of God break up with anyone you are planning on sharing a bed with.
2. Your sweating becomes socially unacceptable.
There’s sweating and then there’s sweating. Like, permanently moist forehead. Beads of sweat running down your back that confuse you momentarily until you remember you are Niagra Falls incarnate. Your colleague shifts just slightly away from you. How many times can you apply deodorant before it stops working? Where did that pool of water come from?
3. It suddenly becomes necessary - nay, crucial to your survival - to consume ice cream at all times.
Breakfast? Ice lolly. Lunch? Cornetto. Afternoon break? Mr. Whippy. Dinner? A four course meal consisting entirely of Magnum variations.
4. Public Transport will be your death.
You walk on the tube and before you can notice the intense settling of boiling hot air, the doors quickly shut around you. You knees becomes weak. You try to grab onto the pole but it has become lubricated by the sweat of thousands of commuters. You reach for your water only to have the man next to you gasp. “Waaaaterrrrr,” he cries, his voice gravelly from two stops on the Bakerloo line.
5. You have to spend hours deliberating what is appropriate for work that won’t leave you entirely drenched in sweat.
How much nipple is too much nipple? Is this skirt airy or just half way up my bum? Can I turn up in a linen poncho and hope no one notices?
6. Pale people will not stop talking about being pale.
Shut up we get it you burn.
7. Everyone in a hotter country needs to inform you how your hot country is literally nothing compared to theirs.
“Oh, it’s hot in the UK is it? Well here in Florida we get 65 degree heat and our dogs melt.”
“Don’t know why you’re complaining Brits. If your washing hasn’t spontaneously combusted then how hot can it really be?”
“I have returned from the dead after being incinerated by the sun in Cairo to tell you that you’re all wimps and you should stop complaining”
8. Suncream becomes the most valuable commodity.
Don’t even think about pulling out a bottle of that golden factor 50 in a park because a mother will murder you for it and use your hollowed-out carcass to shade her two-year-old.
THE BEST OF BOB'S BURGERS:
20 AWFUL SUMMER JOKES TO BRIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY:
20 Awful Summer Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day
1 of 20
2 of 20
3 of 20
4 of 20
5 of 20
6 of 20
7 of 20
8 of 20
9 of 20
10 of 20
11 of 20
Fox / Simpsons12 of 20
13 of 20
14 of 20
15 of 20
16 of 20
Spaceballs / MGM17 of 20
18 of 20
19 of 20
20 of 20
13 Things That ALWAYS Happen After Going Out On New Year's Eve
New year, same old you.
Your Fitness Journey As Told By Broad City
From coach potato to gym qween...
28 Times Broad City Summed Up Your New Year's Eve
Yas queen! Your 2018 starts here...
21 Of The Best Dancing GIFs From Friends
Happy New Year's Eve!
The Most Ridiculous New Year Injuries Ever
Your NYE will seem tame by comparison.
12 New Year’s Resolutions You Might Actually Keep in 2018
Dry January my ar*e.
The One With All The New Year's Resolutions From Friends
Leather pants, flying planes and WAY less gossip (maybe).
11 Christmas Traditions Every Friends Fans Will Remember
We hope you had a lousy Christmas.
The One Where Friends Taught You How To Survive Christmas
If all else fails, stick your head in the turkey.
Simply The Worst Christmas Cracker Jokes Of All Time
OF ALL TIME.
The All-Time Ugliest Christmas Jumpers In Existence
Deck the halls with - wait, what is that?
The 17 Worst Christmas Presents That Have Ever Been Recieved
Don't you feel grateful now?
11 Alternative Christmas Movies To Watch When You're Over The Rest
Because how many times can a person watch Miracle On 34th Street?
The Perfect Christmas According To Comedians
How would you spend your dream Christmas Day?
Here's What 13 Kids From Your Favourite Xmas Movies Look Like Now
One of them went on to star in The Big Bang Theory...
The All Time Best Christmas Moments In Friends
Here's to a lousy Christmas... and a crappy New Year!
Rick And Morty Are About To Release New Comic Books And You’re Not Ready
Pickle Rick is a Vindicator?
Friends Christmas Jumpers You Need In Your LIfe
Could you BE any more festive?!
This Monsters University X Call Me By Your Name Mash Up Will Make You Ugly Cry
WHO DID THIS?!
11 Times The Friends Cast Shared Honest Opinions About Their Characters
David Schwimmer said WHAT, NOW?