Miffed Holiday-Makers Call For Deaths Of Activists Protesting Systematic Racially-Motivated Murder
Holiday goers heading to Heathrow Airport have called for the deaths of Black Lives Matter protestors today, in a bid to defend their right to get through customs in a timely fashion.
Taking to the streets, literally tens of middle-aged white men have stripped down to their string vests, fashioned their head hankies into rudimentary slingshots, and are now waging a brutal war against non-violent protesters who have blocked their route to the airport.
Speaking to Comedy Central, a Mr. Brian Clunt said: "We've had it with these pesky protesters ruining our summer holidays. You never know when easyJet are gonna have another sale, so frankly it's appalling that these social justice warriors feel they have the right to stand up for what they believe in in such a disruptive manner.
I was really looking forward to that pre-flight Peroni. Why can't they just write a strongly-worded letter to the Daily Mail, like I did before Brexit. Farage is a saint. Long live the Queen."
We currently have no idea why the protesters feel so strongly about the routine state-sanctioned murder of people of colour, or a press that regularly depicts POC victims in a negative light, perpetuating the ongoing dehumanising and scaremongering narrative that leads to the 'accidental shootings' in the first place, but we're sure it's not that good a reason.
"Seriously, why are they protesting here?" Mr. Hogsthorpe, a contract lawyer from Dulwich said. "We've only had a handful of innocents murdered here due to the colour of their skin. They've got a much worse problem in America. Why don't they protest there, instead of outside a highly visible international travel and media hub?
There's a strong possibility I might barely miss my check-in time at the Hotel Ricchezza in Milan, and frankly it's just a bit annoying. Everyone involved deserves the death penalty, or at least to be evicted from their servants quarters. #AllLivesMatter."
We have just received word that the police have turned up and erected screens around the protesters to stop onlookers seeing the group's dangerous placades, professing an ideology of aggressive equality and basic human respect.
More as we have it.
Related: How To Apologise For Brexit Across The EU
How To Apologise For Brexit Across The EU
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