Ranking All The Contestants From The 29th March 2001 Episode Of The Weakest Link
Before we start, let us beam some nostalgia into your weak earthling eyes.
Corr. Look at that ident. That – we don't need to tell you, sonny – was the 2001 BBC2 ident that flashed up daily between your 6pm showing of The Simpsons and 6:30pm episode of The Fresh Prince. A full fifteen years on and we've still never come close to achieving that level of high-art again.
Now that's over with, welcome to the definitive ranking of the contestants from the 29th March 2001 episode of the Weakest Link. You can familiarise yourself with that episode here. Don't, though. Stay with me.
Good, then let's begin.
Anne: "Sally, what 'C' is the symbol of the Christian religion?"
Imagine that being your fifteen minutes of fame. Imagine if Sally was your mum. Could you honestly ever look her in the eye again? Could you honestly, from that point onwards, say "I love you, mum" and mean it? Sally is an embarassment to the thousands of people who had to procreate throughout history in order for her to exist on this earth.
Plus she doesn't Bank enough.
Angelique is in pain. Angelique is clearly in terrible, crippling, possibly life-threatening pain and it's a shame not a single producer of the Weakest Link noticed. Just look at that gif. From a distance it looks like a still image. That's how dead Angelique is. That's how little Angelique has to offer this world.
In Weakest Link tradition, contestants who are voted off are invited to speculate on who will be the next to go. This is what Paul had to say on the matter:
"I think Judy should be voted off next. She's short, she's an ex-teacher, and she's a scouser."
She's short, she's an ex-teacher, and she's a scouser.
Marc is a perfectly fine contestant, if you like them weak and pointless.
Elizabeth looks like she should be a murder dective who is also a gardener. Elizabeth looks like the Custard Creams in her cupboard are ever so slightly stale. We cannot fault Elizabeth for any of this, and would consider her a wonderful woman, if she didn't look so much like Louise.
Louise and Elizabeth are different people. If that's not entertainment, we don't know what is.
When Alan doesn't know the answer to a question he opens his mouth slightly and shakes his head whilst mouthing the word "No". This is the sort of beautiful imagery that reminds you to go see your grandad. You should really go see your grandad. Mine's dead.
Colin has never heard of the film ET. Colin pronounces 'Canada' as 'Cann-adder'. Colin closes his eyes tightly in pain when he says "Pass". If you grow up to be half the man Colin is, you'll be alright. You'll be alright.
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