The 8 Types Of Bank Holiday People You Definitely Know
Every year it comes about and you’re not ready. Every. Single. Year. You’ve had it in your diary for a while and every time you have shit small talk with Terry from HR he reminds you that you’ve got *another* bank holiday coming up in May until you stare blankly at each other for slightly too long. Another! Wild.
And yet, you haven’t organised anything, and so you will inevitably, like every British person, drag yourself to your understocked Tesco Metro with the intention of making some Pimms and a picnic, and end up leaving with a discounted loaf of bread, some plums (?) for the Pimms and no lemonade. Fantastic.
The One With Their Shit Together
You’ve had to listen to them talk about their marinated salmon for FOUR WEEKS NOW. You’ve had relationships as long as that than that. “We built the smoker last weekend so it should now be all ready for the big bank holly!” she exclaims, unaware that you are literally constructing ways you could potentially sabotage this salmon from afar. Email her articles about the damage salmon fishing does to the environment? Send a fake council letter to their house saying smokers are against the law anywhere outside of Texas? Murder every single guest?
They’re the person who’s been linking you SkyScanner pages for two months now. “EasyJet are having a sale... You could be in Tallin for two night for only £17 return!” No one gives a fuck about Tallin, Mark. Stop clogging up my email with your terrible shoestring trip ideas. We’re not even mates.
Despite having an extra day to recover, this person will still emerge on the Tuesday, late, with what looks like Thursday’s outfit, even though that makes no logical sense. He is also extremely too open about his out-of-work drug habits despite the fact it’s very clear he’s one blow reference from a stern HR meeting. “Well there’s DJ Sotofett on Friday and then I guess like some mates are coming down on Sat so we’ll go out with them and then i’m going to this kind of all day thing on Monday but i’ll probs take it easy then and just stick to weed. Love the garys tho.”
The Fucking Drylord
“Oh I’ve got a lot of admin to catch up on actually.”
The Smug Couple
You know these people because you hate them with all your soul and being. “So we’re going to John’s mum’s house in Norfork on the Sunday evening - they’ve just got a pool - and then we’re travelling to our friend’s house closer to the beach in the morning where we might play some tennis, aren’t we babe?” You look at them both. Wouldn’t that be nice. To be in love. To go to your mum’s house in Norfork with the person you love. You could probably share an unprecedentedly intimate moment. Imagine.
The Person Who, Literally, No Matter How Many Times You Tell Them, Cannot Get It Into Their Brain That We Have A Bank Holiday And Will Probably Turn Up To Work On Monday
“No no no i’m writing it down this time… look, look, it’s going in the phone.”
The Personification of Trainwreck
This person will either try and plan the most generic bank holiday weekend and forget that also every single human being in Britain is on holiday and will be trying to do the same thing, or leave everything so last minute that they end of trying to eat lunch at 5pm before just giving up and finishing the leftover hummus in the fridge. Stop trying to organise a BBQ with 18 people when you don’t even have a goddamn garden.
“Oh, what are you up to this bank holiday Greg?” you ask, immediately ready to check out and remove yourself from the situation as soon as physically possible. Greg’s a good guy. You don’t know why people don’t talk to him more often. He’s just a little quiet, that’s all. Nothing wrong with that. “Oh you know, get away from it all and work alone at home where no one can bother me,” he says, then mumbles something and looks at you. Did he just say… was that basement? What about a basement?
Just walk away now and pretend you didn’t hear. Just pick up your glass of water, smile, and walk away.
THE BEST OF BOB'S BURGERS:
HOLIDAY PICTURES MADE MORE EXOTIC WITH POKEMON:
Holiday Pictures Made More Exotic With Pokémon
1 of 30
2 of 30
3 of 30
4 of 30
5 of 30
6 of 30
7 of 30
8 of 30
9 of 30
10 of 30
11 of 30
12 of 30
13 of 30
14 of 30
15 of 30
16 of 30
17 of 30
18 of 30
19 of 30
20 of 30
21 of 30
22 of 30
23 of 30
24 of 30
25 of 30
26 of 30
27 of 30
28 of 30
29 of 30
30 of 30
Five Reasons You Need To Go To DragWorld This Month
Gentlemen, start your engines!
This Friends-Inspired 'Pivot' Tutorial Will Change Your Life
Bryan Cranston Auditioned For Pineapple Express But Judd Apatow Thought He Wasn't Scary Enough
"Maybe the Breaking Bad people would have said, “not him, he always plays drug dealers.”
Quiz: Will You Make It Through Festival Season?
Will you survive through to September?!
Quiz: How Many Festival Cliches Have You Committed?
We've pretty much been there and done all of them…
David Schwimmer To Appear In New Will & Grace As Grace's Bae
It's Time To Revisit This Cringey Windows 95 Video Starring Rachel And Chandler
"Look Matty! I'm computing!"
This Windows 95 Themed Instagram Is The Ultimate Nostalgia-Trip
The Expectation v Reality Of Summer Festivals
What you expect v what you really get at all your favourite summer festivals…
British Festivals v American Festivals: How Do They Compare?
Glasto or Coachella? Creamfields or EDC?
Sketch And Theatre Shows To Catch At The Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2018
Drag queens and quartets and show tunes... oh my!
Seth Rogen Shares All The Pineapple Express Gossip 10 Years After The Film's Release
Title origins, injuries and a whole lot of pot...
Die Hard Friends Fans Are Split On Whether A Reunion Should Happen
Reboot means reboot.
Cole Sprouse AKA Ben Geller Is The Same Age As Jennifer Aniston in Friends Series 1, WTF
The One Where We're Old And Decrepit
20 Years Later, Medical Advisor Debunks Friends 'Pee On Jellyfish Sting' Cure
To pee or not to pee...
Mike Hannigan Had The Glow Up Of The Century And We're So Proud
No one would dare call him Crap Bag now...
Don't Miss These Incredible Shows At Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2018
You will laugh so hard your belly hurts...
OMG! The Twins Who Played Friends' Baby Emma Will Star In Jordan Peele's New Film
They're 16 years old now!
Will Smith Shows Everyone How The Drake #InMyFeelingsChallenge Is Done
Fresh Prinnnnce, do you loooove meeee?
Murr From Impractical Jokers Is Hosting A Series Of UK Parties And We're So Excited
This MUST be a prank...