Noel Edmonds Thinks This Cures Depression And Cancer
There are few things you’d ever ask Noel Ernest Edmonds to comment on in your day-to-day life.
Whether he can check your gunge consistency? Check. How to make your house party as blobby as possible? Go for it. Which box to choose if the bloke down the chippy mixed up you and your mate’s (presumably Noel Ernest Edmonds) order, and one is covered in tasteless, odourless garlic salt, which you’re deadly allergic to? Probably, though that seems like a ridiculous situation by any stretch of the imagination.
What you would (probably, we’re not psychics) never, ever ask Noel Ernest Edmonds, is “how do I cure cancer?” Well, TOUGH LUCK, because Noel Ernest Edmonds has got an answer for you, and it’s stupid as fuck.
A simple box that slows ageing, reduces pain, lifts depression and stress and tackles cancer . Yep tackles cancer! pic.twitter.com/krL9sXlpby
— Noel Ernest Edmonds (@NoelEdmonds) June 7, 2016
Yep, there’s Noel Ernest Edmonds, host of smash hit light entertainment shows The Noel (Ernest) Edmunds Saturday Roadshow, Noel (Ernest Edmonds)’s House Party, and Deal Or No Deal, advocating the use of (and we’re not joking here) a magnetic box to lift depression, and cure cancer.
According to EMPpad (the manufacturers of the wellness box), their super magic box thing will optimize your cell functions, by providing it with the fifth element of health (after food, water, sunlight, and oxygen) your body so badly craves, a magnetic field! So, says Noel Ernest Edmonds, if you keep your cells optimized (through magnets), you’ll stop being sad...
Obviously Twitter has not taken so kindly to Noel Ernest Edmonds’ innovative solution...
I'm quite excited to see what sort of post-apocalyptic cult Noel Edmonds becomes leader of.
— Lord King (@tkingdot) June 7, 2016
Other Health Advices by Noel Edmonds:
- Sleeping with socks on gives malaria
- Jumping queues gives AIDS
— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) June 7, 2016
Noel Edmonds. Swap Shop, 1979. pic.twitter.com/V4ikxvi5Rb
— Scarfolk Council (@Scarfolk) June 7, 2016
noel edmonds should try this box instead it cures most ills pic.twitter.com/YtpSkT7HRp
— Barbara Speed (@bspeed8) June 7, 2016
Of course, this wouldn't be the first time Noel Ernest Edmonds' gone off the deep end...
Oh, Noel Ernest Edmonds, what are we going to do with you!
UPDATE: EMPpad have released a statement regarding Noel Ernest Edmonds' claims...
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