The Most Ridiculous New Year Injuries Ever
Put enough drunk people in a room, and at least one of them is going to wind up hurt.
After reading these recollections from Reddit, your falling-over-drunk habit will seem sensible by comparison. Promise.
1. The 'CPR'
"Girl drinks too much and passes out. Drunk fiancée decides that sleeping drunk girl has died and starts CPR. After each round of CPR drunk girl pushes fiancée off her chest because CPR hurts. Fiancée gets friend to hold down drunk girl's arms and continues CPR. Ambulance arrives, throws fiancée off drunk girl and brings her to us complaining of a sore chest." - silentgoldfish
2. The Paddling Pool
"Guy came in last night with two broken legs and various ruptured organs from blunt force trauma. Apparently, his friends had set up one of those plastic blow-up pools in the backyard and his intoxicated mind had convinced itself that there was enough water to break a second-story jump." - Dynamaxion
3. The Kebab
"Guy walks out of kebab-place in Oslo, slips on the ice, lands on his face, kebab still level, nothing spilled. Attempts to get up, but is too drunk to find balance, flips around 180 degrees, spraying his face with the contents of the pita. Proceeds to desperately roll around in meat and sauce." - PC-Bjorn
4. The Wallet
"This guy had his wallet taken by people he knew so instead of calling the cops, he hung onto the spoiler of a car for over a mile." - FFEMT39
5. The Sword
"The guy had a full-sized longsword with no hilt through his foot. He was laughing. They had wrapped a kitchen towel around his foot with duct tape." - ThorneLea
6. The Face Plant
"So this guy is walking, passes out mid-stride and face plants on the sidewalk/grass. Didn't put out his hands to break his fall or anything. He ended up getting a huge laceration on his forehead, broken nose." - eventhorizon07
7. The Sparkler
"Some (very) drunk guys at some hedonistic party put the end of a sparkler you hold in the a*s and lit them." - wanderingkale
8. The Romeo
"Guy at the local hook-up-douche-bar that lifted his shirt in an effort to gain the affection of another. The motion set him off balance and he fell from a second-story railing onto the dance floor." - funny-chubby-awesome
9. The Stapler
"A drunk teenager stapled his balls together." - whatamidoinghere78
10. The Corker
"[Guy] had taken a bottle of champagne and shot off the top into ball bag of man. Laceration by the gooch area on his sac. Bleeding rather profusely." - CCFTW
11. The Condom
"Some girl called 911 because she got a condom stuck in her vagina." - shamrock1916
12. The Rocket
"We got an emergency trauma activation for a guy who tried to light a firework off his ass."
13. The BBQ Chicken
"Had someone come in with a burnt dick. He said he was trying to shoplift a BBQ chicken, but the burns went all the way around his willy so it was a fairly transparent excuse." - SpinningDespina
14. The Glue
"The upstanding young gentleman who used crazy glue instead of eyedrops." - EngineEight
15. The Wall
"One guy came in with both his arms COVERED in blood and yelling about how 'the f*cking wall came at him!' He had several broken bones. His friend who was with him told my aunt that he was in a fight and in an attempt to prove himself he yelled at a wall then started punching and kicking it - he also tackled two layers of sliding glass doors."
16. The Food Processor
"Testing the food processor with her finger." - bloomsday289
17. The Bin
"A guy was attempting to drop a beer bottle from the 3rd floor into the recycling bin outside. He fell into said recycling bin, which was filled with glass bottles. Stitches everywhere."
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