11 Guaranteed Cures For The Post-Holiday Blues

So your trip's over, your tan's fading and the sun's already setting on summer. Here's how to get over it...

1. Let Absolutely Everyone Know You Miss Being On Holiday

Take to social media to post a cloying, whiny comment (e.g. “take me baaaaaaack!!!! :’(“ or “omg I hate having to be back here with my boring mates who didn’t come on this trip!” or “can’t believe it’s been 45 minutes already, taaake meeee baaaaaack!!” etc) on a holiday snap, tagging in the friends with whom you shared the experience. This won’t take you back, but it might make your lesser friends feel jealous, which is just as good.

2. Write Up Your Experiences In A Blog

The time you paid out the nose to do a tour of effectively some chancer’s neighbourhood; that other time you sheepishly took your clothes off and skinny dipped in the dirty polluted sea; the other time you contracted some virus and were sick for several days. Priceless memories which deserved to be immortalised forever and shared to spectacular disinterest.

3. Delete That Blog

What better way to gain a cathartic sense of closure from the whole thing than destroying all of your memories?

4. Don’t Unpack

Keep all remnants of your holiday hermetically sealed in your Easyjet-friendly hold-all, so you never have to confront the fact that it’s over.

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5. Get Drunk Every Night And Sleep On The Beach

Even if you’ve got work at some unholy hour and live a five hour round trip away from a beach, by maintaining your holiday debauchery like a perfect attendance record, you need never have to adjust to civilian life.

6. Learn To Love Your Home

Home is where the heart is, and also your normal life, numbnuts, so you’re going to have to get used to it. If that means throwing sand all over your floor, replacing your towels with hotel-unclean ones and paying for a bunch of post A-Level likely lads to march past your window tooting airhorns on repeat from 3am to 6am every night, so be it.

7. Move To Wherever You Went On Holiday

“But I don’t want to leave my life behind!”

You don’t have to, numbnuts! Keep every aspect of your life exactly the same (job/friends/haunts etc.), except your place of residence. Now, by commuting to your day-to-day existence, you are technically on holiday!

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8. Start Counting Down The Days Till Your Next Holiday

It’s very important that all of your friends, family and peers know exactly how many 'sleeps' to go until you’ll be frolicking in Glasto, or taking it easy in the south of France or causing a madness in Amsterdam. This will help get you in the mind-set to be excited all over again. It will also give everyone else ample time to phase you out of their lives for good. Win win!

9. Immediately Go On Holiday Again

Get over the post-holiday blues by getting the pre-holiday reds (of flush excitement) and going on holiday all over again!

10. Don’t Go On Holiday In The First Place

An even easier cure for the post-holiday blues is to simply never go on one. Hope this helps!

11. Don't Read Articles About The Post-Holiday Blues

What are you doing wallowing in your post-holiday blues by reading articles about the post-holiday blues, numbnuts? Especially when they contain advice as worthless as this one? Summer's gone and your holiday's over, so forget about it already.

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