11 Signs Your Flatmate Is Trying To Kill You

Noticing your food tasting weird? Allergies picking up? Feel your flat is turning into a danger zone? Well, it's not all coincidence...

[subheader:list:1]Eating all your leftovers in the fridge[/subheader]

First they’ll take a bite of your cold pizza, then eat all your leftover shepherd’s pie, then your tins will start to disappear from the cupboards too. They’re definitely trying to starve you.

[subheader:list:2]Tipp-Exing out the expiry date on your food[/subheader]

“Does this milk seem lumpy and fluorescent green to you?”

[subheader:list:3]Suggesting the microwave as a useful place to store forks[/subheader]

Because the microwave is a great place to store cutlery and it definitely won’t give you life-threatening radiation/create an explosion in your kitchen.

[subheader:list:4]Getting you really drunk and challenging you to do stupid stuff[/subheader]

Constantly finding yourself completely wasted with your flatmate, sometimes even waking up in hospital, while they remain completely fine? Yep, they’re trying to kill you.

[subheader:list:5]Encouraging you to jab a knife in the toaster when it gets stuck[/subheader]

“It’ll be fine, you won’t feel anything… well, maybe just a tickle… I promise!” ;)

[subheader:list:6]Before you get into the bath, they store lots of electrical items next to it[/subheader]

Who uses a toaster in a bathroom? If you see this, this is absolutely evidence of your flatmate plotting your murder.

[subheader:list:7]Buying loads of cats after they find out you’re allergic to them[/subheader]

FYI: if a flatmate asks for a list of all your allergies, fears and general weaknesses in life, this is not normal.

[subheader:list:8]Stealing your milk and replacing it with drain cleaner[/subheader]

Even if you’ve just made the switch from milk with the blue top to the red top, if something smells and tastes like a highly toxic drain cleaner, then it is probably a highly toxic drain cleaner.

[subheader:list:9]Replacing your shampoo with hydrochloric acid[/subheader]

“Hmm this Head and Shoulders feels a bit tangy… wait has a clump of my hair just fallen out? Now I can’t see… MY EYES!!”

[subheader:list:10]They keep having their mobster friends over for dinner, and go silent every time you walk in the room[/subheader]

If you also notice a dart board with a picture of your face on it, they're definitely trying to take you down.

[subheader:list:11]There's an anvil balanced on top of your door[/subheader]

A clear sign that someone wants rid of you, if ever there was one.