11 Things People With Nut Allergies Are Sick Of Hearing

Having a nut allergy sucks. One thing that sucks almost as much is getting the same responses to it again and again...

[subheader]1. “The magazine?”[/subheader]

Time Inc ceased publication of Nuts in 2014, so even if someone did suffer from a physiological intolerance to that magazine’s particular blend of old-school sexism, underwhelming picture captions and Top Gear screengrabs, they’d be fine now.

[subheader]2. “Does that mean you can’t eat them?”[/subheader]

Yes. That is literally what it means.

[subheader]3. “I couldn’t live without peanut butter.”[/subheader]

Yes you could. You’re thinking of water.

[subheader]4. “So if I show you a Snickers will you die?”[/subheader]

If allergic reactions were triggered by sight, this would be a valid concern.

[subheader]5. “Do you ever play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels?”[/subheader]

This joke has been around since the beginning of time. It pre-dates Revels. In fact, Revels were only invented so that this aeons-old joke would finally make sense. And no, nobody’s playing that. Russian Roulette is a horrible game. Have you seen The Deer Hunter? Christ.

[subheader]6. “Like, your own nuts?”[/subheader]

HA HA HA HA HA IMAGINE BEING ALLERGIC TO YOUR OWN TESTICLES HA HA HA HA HA shut your stupid mouth.

[subheader]7. “Is a coconut a nut?”[/subheader]

No. Just like a pineapple isn’t an apple, and a monkfish isn’t really a monk.

[subheader]8. “How allergic are you?”[/subheader]

Allergic enough to kick your arse.

[subheader]9. “I read a thing that said all allergies are nonsense.”[/subheader]

Let’s see how well you read through two black eyes, shall we?

[subheader]10. “Good thing you’re not a squirrel! Haha!”[/subheader]

That’s true for most people. In the wild, grey squirrels generally die before they reach six years old. Being a squirrel sucks.

[subheader]11. “A little bit couldn’t hurt, right?”[/subheader]

No, probably not. It’d be like only eating one spike.