The evening before you're planning on skiving, Instagram a picture of some badly barbecued chicken you’re about to tuck into.
Tweet ‘Lady problems :(’ if you’re a woman, or ‘Testicle issues :(’ if you're a man.
Get sunburnt, but in such an embarrassing way that you simply can’t have any human contact until it clears up.
Break your least important limb. It’s a sacrifice that’s worth making. Just go ahead and slam it in a door.
Get one of your relatives to marry then divorce then remarry on a constant cycle. Insist that you must attend EVERY wedding, even if the legalities which allow them to marry again haven’t come through yet.
Claim the train tracks at your tube station have completely melted and will take a few hours to repair.
Buy loads of terminally ill pets.
Keep taking emergency phone calls at work and rushing out of the toilets with bleary eyes. Use the breaks to level up on Candy Crush.
Go into a shop that does free makeup samples and give yourself a really realistic-looking black eye. Send a selfie to your boss with the message “I just don't want to see anyone today”.
Sit, fully clothed, in a bath of freezing water all weekend.
Fake a family member’s death.