[subheader:list:1]If you’ve got a new girlfriend/boyfriend, they will always ask if they are “one of us”[/subheader]
If you tell them no, they will reply with “Oh, that fine… just wondering! Not a problem!” but secretly wish you said the opposite. Of course, if you tell them yes, they will combust with excitement.
[subheader:list:2]They will ask if your partner is a doctor or lawyer[/subheader]
As soon as they ask “so, what do they do?” you know exactly what they’re trying to find out.
[subheader:list:3]Even if you’re in the very early stages of a relationship, they will start asking about grandchildren[/subheader]
“So… do you know if they want… children…?”
“No, I haven’t even met his parents yet!”
[subheader:list:4]If you’re single, they will ask if you’ve considered Jewish online dating[/subheader]
“The Rosenberg’s daughter met her fiancée on J Date, do you want me to sign you up?” Please. No. And I don’t want to join J Crush or J Swipe either.
[subheader:list:5]You never fail to get a huge food baby after Friday night dinner[/subheader]
But, to be honest, it’s worth it.
[subheader:list:6]…and every time you take a friend home, they will feed them until they cannot move[/subheader]
Hopefully they think it’s worth it.
[subheader:list:7]During Jewish holidays, they’re suddenly way more religious than at any other time of the year[/subheader]
Or at least, they pretend to be. Driving to the Synagogue and parking a three minute walk away still means that you drove there.
[subheader:list:8]They never miss anything you post on social media[/subheader]
Jewish parents are the ultimate Facebook and Twitter stalkers. Post anything about feeling vaguely ill and they will ring you immediately in a panic and let all your family know within an hour.
[subheader:list:9]You don’t even consider getting a tattoo which is visible while wearing clothes because you’ll have to face their wrath[/subheader]
It’s seriously not worth the risk.
[subheader:list:10]They still go on about your Bar/Bat Mitzvah, even though it was about ten years ago[/subheader]
Yes, we all remember how nice the canapes were...
[subheader:list:11]You find yourself saying the odd Yiddish phrase, because they say them so much[/subheader]
“Getting here was such a schlep, oy vey! Oh no, I sound exactly like my mother…”
[subheader:list:12]You may not celebrate Christmas, but you get way more presents for Chanukah[/subheader]
Eight days of presents > one day of presents. Also you probably still do the whole Christmas dinner, just a more kosher version.