The 13 Foulest Sweets A Trick-Or-Treater Can Receive

Trick-or-treating is like playing Russian Roulette: for every Chupa Chup you get there's a danger you could end up with one of these horrors in your swag-bag...

[subheader:list:1]Black Jacks[/subheader]

Aniseed tastes like petrol-soaked seaweed, which is why it's used in just two products: disgusting traditional French liqueur Pernod, and disgusting traditional English sweet the Black Jack.

ROUGHNESS RATING: 8/10 

[subheader:list:2]Parma Violets[/subheader]

Do you like the taste of chalk? Do you like the smell of cheap old-lady soap? Do you enjoy having your teeth coated in a gritty resin? Then you are in for a treat!

ROUGHNESS RATING: 7/10

[subheader:list:3]Milk Bottles[/subheader]

Milk is the polar opposite of sweets: it's bland, it's sensible, it's no fun whatsoever. So why would someone make milk and sweets co-exist in this way? It's against God, is what it is... 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 8/10

[subheader:list:4]Jazzies (AKA Disco Discs)[/subheader]

White chocolate so cheap it barely counts at chocolate, topped with grim coloured sugar-dots designed to trick the mind into thinking something delicious is happening. It ain't.

ROUGHNESS RATING: 6/10 

[subheader:list:5]Iced Gems[/subheader]

The same elements that go into a Party Ring – dusty biscuit, Z-grade icing – except smaller, and with the proportions all wrong (waaay too much icing, not nearly enough biscuit). 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 7/10

[subheader:list:6]Rainbow Drops[/subheader]

Felt-tipped polystyrene packing material. 

ROUGHNES RATING: 7/10

[subheader:list:7]Liquourice All-Sorts[/subheader]

Fun fact: the main ingredient of Liquourice All-Sorts is melted-down lorry tyres. 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 9/10

[subheader:list:8]Healthy organic flapjacks[/subheader]

There's always one do-gooding idiot in the neighbourhood who gives these wretched things out. "Sugar-free – sweetened with pear juice!" Your house is going to get egged and you're going to deserve it. 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 8/10

[subheader:list:9]Cadbury's Roses Coffee Escape[/subheader]

If you're letting kids take their pick from a tin of Roses and you haven't first removed all the Coffee Escapes, you're essentially engaging in child abuse. 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 9/10

[subheader:list:10]Foam Bananas[/subheader]

The most artificial, borderline-plastic food a person can consume. These things will survive the apocalypse, easy peasy. 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 7/10 

[subheader:list:11]Apples[/subheader]

F---sakes.

ROUGHNESS RATING: 8/10

[subheader:list:12]Flying saucers[/subheader]

The sherbert filling? Actually not bad. The saucer-shaped outer-shell? Worse than World War One. 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 9/10 

[subheader:list:13]Fisherman's Friend[/subheader]

Look, if trick-or-treaters come knocking and you don't have any sweets in the house, don't just give them whatever you've got to hand. Turn the lights off, hide behind the sofa and pretend you're not in – like a decent human being. 

ROUGHNESS RATING: 11/10