1. Wealth Goth
Bourgeois goths who combine the macabre leanings of WG's parent goth subculture with massive privilege and untapped resource. Wealth goth enforces a strict dress-code of wares made out of £50 notes and spray-painted black. All other accoutrements (skull necklaces, skull earrings, skulls on the end of canes, skull Bentleys etc) must be encrusted with diamonds.
Never mind the flying boat docks, here’s a group who want to have sex with brass pistols.
A reaction against ‘emo’ which puts pride in using a thin layer of protective irony and refusing to show your feelings at all. Including pride.
A movement Millennials (mostly graphic designers) who want to smash all technological advance post-2008, returning us to the simpler times of flip-phones, MSN Messenger and Myspace bulletins.
The generation of original ‘80s yuppies, but now in their mid-fifties to early sixties. They still wear braces, carry brick-phones and burn money for fun, except in Shoreditch now.
A movement advocating for the dissolution of states, donning the garms of the Russian revolutionaries and misremembering John Major as a figure of radical political importance.
7. Generation Ball Z
Vloggers who go super-saiyan after watching iCarly.
8. Waiting For Modots
Samuel Beckett fans with Paul Weller haircuts and scooters.
Just normcore, except your unbranded clothes should be microwaved for 45 seconds before being worn.
Apple ‘Geniuses’ who have peeled the logo off their staff uniform. They are also edible, but an acquired taste.
Metrosexual lumberjacks who often doze off on the job. A dangerous sub-culture.
12. The Nouveau Niche
A sub-culture of people who have only just heard In The Aeroplane Over The Sea and constantly make plans to about get ‘really into’ cultivating an interest in Japanese cinema but never really bothering after watching Spirited Away.
13. Precious Metal-Heads
Easily offended metal-heads who spend their days scouring the internet in order to find strangers that they can pedantically correct on which bands should be considered ‘real’ metal.