20 years of mainlining the greatest sitcom ever have clearly taken their toll on you. But relax, this is a safe space – and the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
[subheader:list:1]Whenever and wherever you hear that Rembrandts song, a Pavlovian reaction causes you to make a cup of tea and sit down[/subheader]
[subheader:list:2]You can identify ANY episode - including the plot, all sub-plots and every major gag - between the first and last word of the opening line of dialogue[/subheader]
[subheader:list:3]And you often catch yourself robotically mumbling along to bits of Friends dialogue, word-for-word, without even smiling[/subheader]
[subheader:list:4]You've never successfully moved a large piece of furniture because this is the only technique you know...[/subheader]
[subheader:list:5]...and you're only able to estimate seconds by counting "Mississippily"[/subheader]
[subheader:list:6]You can still recall the day you finally came to terms with the fact that there isn't an episode out there that you've somehow never seen[/subheader]
[subheader:list:7]You're incapable of ordering a salad without fighting the urge to make it sound dirty[/subheader]
[subheader:list:8]If somebody made the calamitious error of placing you within the wrong Friends category - i.e. labelling you a Total Mon when you're so clearly a Phoebes - you'd immediately be able to offer two-dozen counterpoints to their flawed hypothesis[/subheader]
[subheader:list:9]You meet a stranger who says they've never seen Friends; you feel unnerved, as if they've told you they have a tooth growing in their nose[/subheader]
[subheader:list:10]If you're ever with anyone who gets a jellyfish sting, you ARE going to pee all over it (without once pausing to question this particular scientific nugget)[/subheader]
[subheader:list:11]You require extra hugs around Thanksgiving, which despite not even being a national holiday here, always leaves you oddly wistful and misty-eyed[/subheader]
[subheader:list:12]Even though your love-life is in tatters, you refuse to accept that all those years of drunken shags with your mates were a bad idea[/subheader]
[subheader:list:13]"Hooking up" is now fully integrated into your internal dictionary, along with "on a break", "getting coffee" and "foosball" (although you still sound ridiculous when you use these phrases)[/subheader]
[subheader:list:14]Your cupboards are filled with absurdly large mugs, even though coffee gives you crazy palpitations[/subheader]
[subheader:list:15]You'll forever feel slightly guilty about being British, thanks to this woman:[/subheader]
[subheader:list:16]You have a mate who people have advised you may have some serious mental-health issues...[/subheader]
...but you reckon she's just "a bit Phoebe"
[subheader:list:17]Upon hearing this song, you will perform "The Routine", entirely from muscle-memory[/subheader]
[subheader:list:18]This film (2012's Wanderlust) was a total mind-bending headf--k for you:[/subheader]
Hey, Mike! Back the hell off Rachel, dude!
[subheader:list:19]And you've still no idea who THIS chump is, and where the HELL Ross and Emma are:[/subheader]
[subheader:list:20]Finally - and perhaps most pitifully - you've ACTUALLY vented anger at somebody with a Geller fist-bang[/subheader]