Lifetime movies will go down in history as some of the trashiest and most ridiculous films that have ever been commissioned and then actually carried through with. Which makes the news that they’re going to release an UNOFFICIAL (all unfiltered dirt, salacious gossip and wild speculation guaranteed) Britney biopic one of the best things we’ve heard all year.
The trailer has dropped, so we’ve got our first look at how much of a shit show this is really going to be. Let’s see what we’ve got.
0:00: Strong opening shot. Brit Brit as we know her: in her pants, on stage, wearing some diamante.
0:01: Just in case you’re team X-tina and need reminding. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT FILM.
0:02: Was that Justin? Gone in a flash, so who can really tell, but the signs are good. He was wearing a hoodie and pouting.
0:10: Oh they’re going there with the head shaving, overlaid with ‘Britney’ drawling in a very convincing accent that she ‘wasn’t fine.’
0:12: Note: event. Not just a film; an EVENT.
0:14: That wedding looks as boozy as the real thing probably was—we all remember Brit’s bridal mini, right? Also, look at K-Fed’s shiny earring. So far, Lifetime seems very concerned with authenticity.
0:15: But then we’re reminded that actually, Brit Brit probably wasn’t actually ok at that point. No one in their right mind would spend more time than necessary with that lime green wallpaper.
0:19: 'Britney' paraphrases some song lyrics about being strong here to get across the fact the struggle is real, as is the façade. Nothing says real like lifted song lyrics.
0:21: There is a very good chance this is going to be a 120 minute Britney dance video.
0:24: They’re still dancing. Surely, there is no filler needed for a Britney biopic, but they clearly have hours of choreography they can slot in if necessary. Hopefully, they’re getting it all out of the way in the trailer.
0:27: Slightly cruel juxtaposition of fairy-tale like title with the actual fire-in-a-bin story that this movie is going to be all over, but whatever. It’s Lifetime.
Final thoughts: no sign of a giant snake, double denim or that infamous Madonna snog, but hopefully they’re saving all the good stuff for the actual film.
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