"I tripped and fell on her lips".
"I woke up and a stranger had climbed into my bed in the night and taken photos of us together pinning my eyes open with invisible matchsticks".
"I must have been sleepwalking".
The sort of crappy cheating excuse that'd make any self-respecting girlfriend's head spin. But this chump, partner of Twitter user Alex, topped them all:
Yeah. That's an actual thing that someone said, and expected to get away with it. She put it online, and the world had a predictable response:
Go home Alex, you're drunk. And SO single right now.