Listen, it's Mothers Day you ungrateful little dickhead. Hopefully you're reading this early enough to get your arse in gear, out of the door and to the nearest Costcutters to pick up a bunch of upset-looking flowers and the most vaguely relevant card on offer.
Or maybe you're reading this too late? You forgot/didn't bother to buy your mum a gift, and now she won't return your texts. Well, listen closely: she hates you now, and it's best to burn that bridge where it stands.
Instead, spend the day celebrating the women who really brought you up: TV mums.