Choose These Cheeses For Funny, Sexy Or Downright Freaky Dreams

New study shows how different cheeses affect nap time.

Cheese before bed.

It *definitely* gives you bad gas, but what about bad naps? A British study set off to find the truth behind dairy dreamin', asking 200 people to eat two-thirds of an ounce of cheese half an hour before bedtime, then keep a sleep diary. UM, DREAM JOB ALERT.

Their study found that ‘about three-quarters of everybody said that they slept well every night.’

Oh. But wait, don't give up on Nigel just yet. He did have something interesting to say - YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR DREAMS WITH DIFFERENT TYPES OF CHEESE, PEOPLE.

Here's what to eat and when for the deepest (or sexiest, whatever) snooze of your life:

CHEDDAR = HOT CELEBRITIES

Cheddar is the most eaten cheese in this country, and there seemed to be a theme there where the volunteers were dreaming of celebrities,’ said Nige.

BLUE CHEESE = WEIRD AF

‘One of the volunteers said that she dreamed of a vegetarian crocodile who was upset because he couldn’t eat children. And another one dreamed that they had soldiers fighting with each other with kittens instead of guns.’
 

LANCASHIRE = WORK 

As far as the Lancashire was concerned, they’d seem to dream about work,’ said Nigel. ‘Actually, one even dreamed of being the prime minister of the country. Well, I can assure you it wasn’t the prime minister who took part.’
 

RED LEICESTER = CHILDHOOD

‘With the Red Leicester, it seemed to be very nostalgic dreams that people were having about things that happened in their childhood or with their families.’
 

CHESHIRE = BIG FAT NOTHING

‘The people who ate Cheshire said they had nice sleeps, but they were dreamless". 

So there you have it, folks. A little cheesy, but pretty gouda.

Related: Brie-liant Cheese Jokes That Definitely Aren't Mature

 

 

Latest News