Here's How Much Fictional Londoners Would Pay For Their Houses

Jesus Christ, it's an expensive town...

[subheader]Sherlock Holmes[/subheader]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson rent rooms at 221B Baker Street. Holmes’ business as a consulting detective is obviously going well – this two-bedroom flat just up the road is £3,246 per month, or £1,623 each. Mrs Hudson would be getting close to 40 grand a year from the pair of them.

[subheader]Bob Cratchit from A Christmas Carol[/subheader]

Ebenezer Scrooge’s put-upon employee lived in Camden Town with his wife and six children. Maybe Scrooge wasn’t so tight-fisted after all – a four-bedroom maisonette would have been putting Cratchit back £3,792 per month. Maybe if he’d chosen a less trendy area to live in, he could have afforded a proper turkey at Christmas. Just saying.

[subheader]Del Trotter from Only Fools And Horses[/subheader]

There must be at least three bedrooms in Del’s flat, to fit him, Rodders and Grandad/Uncle Albert in, so they’re probably paying a little under five hundred quid each per month. Lovely jubly.

[subheader]Tim and Daisy from Spaced[/subheader]

The house from Spaced was recently placed on the market for quite a bit more than the £90 per week that Tim Bisley and Daisy Steiner paid. It’s now £460 per week, or £991.50 each per month. Hey, that’s depressing!

[subheader]Mr Bean[/subheader]

For someone whose USP is total fucking idiocy, Mr Bean isn’t doing too badly if he can happily pay the rent on a one-bedroom flat in Highbury. This place would set him back £1,277 a month, although the landlords’ openness to pet ownership would mean his teddy bear would feel at home.

[subheader]Sweeney Todd[/subheader]

The Demon Barber of Fleet Street would need to cut a lot of hair to happily pay £2,166 in rent every month, which is the going rate round there. That’s only a one-bedroom flat as well, with minimal space for storing corpses. There are a few artisan bakeries around, which would potentially be ideal for turning murder victims into pies.

[subheader]Fagin from Oliver Twist[/subheader]

In Oliver Twist, Saffron Hill near Farringdon sounds pretty shit. “A dirty and more wretched place [Oliver] had never seen. The street was very narrow and muddy, and the air was impregnated with filthy odours.” It’s nice now – Fagin would be looking at over £2,000 a month for a flat.

[subheader]James Bond[/subheader]

In From Russia With Love, the world’s most promiscuous secret agent is said to have “a comfortable flat in the plane-tree’d square off the King’s Road”. Nothing is less Bondlike than the idea of having flatmates, so it seems a safe guess that he’d have a one-bedroom place (the fuck James Bond has a spare room). If so, he’s probably looking at about three grand a month, which is a bit steep considering he’s normally overseas having sex with really evil people.

[subheader]Howard Moon and Vince Noir from The Mighty Boosh[/subheader]

In the second series of The Mighty Boosh, Howard and Vince relocated to Dalston, where a pretty nice two-bedroom flat would cost them about a thou each per month.

[subheader]Will Thacker from Notting Hill[/subheader]

Hugh Grant’s travel bookshop on Portobello Road would probably set him back about five grand a month in rent – luckily, independent bookshops are thriving. Right? Oh. Shit.