We said stop it.
That's right, Harry Potter fans, you can now discover which animal is your very own Patronus, after over a decade of guesswork (and telling yourself it's not a hamster, it's not a hamster, it's definitely not a goddamn run-of-the-mill-any-five-year-old-could-have-one-shitty-fucking-hamster).
J.K. Rowling's Pottermore website has announced that a new Patronus experience is live on the site, so you can see which animal would come to your rescue if Dementors decided to give you a smooch.
The 3D experience (god this is exciting, isn't it?) allows users to answer questions written by J.K. herself to help them discover whether a dolphin (yep, you can actually get a dolphin) or a tabby cat might one day save their soul. This is J.K's:
It's a heron :) https://t.co/MUZUYmRgZS— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) September 22, 2016
A Patronus reflects the personality of the owner, so basically the aim of the game is to avoid getting a boring (or slow. Or ugly. Or weak. Or timid. Or silly) one.
In the books, Harry's takes the form of a stag, representing his father, while Professor Snape's is a doe, a symbol of his love for Harry's mum Lily.
SO WHAT DO I DO?!
1. Summon a happy memory
2. Answer a series of short, time-sensitive multiple-choice options on screen
3. WTF ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE GET OVER TO POTTERMORE AND SORT YOURSELF OUT RIGHT NOW, MUGGLE