Sexual awakening stories are always a bit cringe. Like when you think back to the first time you… wait, no. It’s not a good idea to go there.
James Corden, however, wasn't shy when it came to talking about his first fumble - which apparently came courtesy of a Walnut Whip.
"There was a girl in our school, if you took her a Walnut Whip she let you feel her boobs, 100 percent true," he revealed on Channel 4’s Very British Problems last night.
"There was a queue of about four of us once, just you and a Walnut Whip and you'd go round the side of her house and just…”
In fairness, a Walnut Whip is a tasty and satisfying chocolate snack. When it comes to how far someone will go for one, we refuse to judge.
TV’s top geezer Danny Dyer was also perfectly happy to reveal all about his firsts. Because he’s a proper lad. (And he has no shame.)
The EastEnders star told all about his first tug, revealing he shared the moment with the Queen of Pop herself, Madonna.
In real life? No. Obviously not. It was probably over a poster or something. One of those full-page pictures you could pull out of the middle of Smash Hits. He didn’t go into detail, but we can imagine it just fine.
"My first wank was Madonna, I was a big fan of Madonna," he told the camera.
"So it wasn't the girls in school, I think my first pedal was over Madonna, mid-eighties when she was fit.
"I wouldn't wank over her now she looks fucked."
Corden’s pubic area was also a thing, apparently.
He WHAT out of it?!
PISSED OUT OF IT?
Does that even make sense?