Welcome to the news: a German carpenter has invented a new form of contraception that will apparently allow men to turn their jizz-nozzle off at a moment's notice.
Clemens Bimek, the gadget's creator, says he discovered how to insert a valve on the underside of the scrotum, allowing users to control and limit their sperm supply willy-nilly.
"Many of the doctors I consulted didn't take me seriously," Bimek said.
Yeah that's because you're a carpenter mate. What on earth were you doing down there, anyway? Imagine hiring Bimek to do a job on your front room, and walking in to find him hacking away at his gooch. It's deeply unprofessional.
At the moment, Bimek is the only guy with the implant - which he sees as a better alternative to an irreversible vasectomy.
Doctors disagree, though, with the spokesman for the Professional Association of German Urologists, Wolgang Bühmann saying "My assessment is that implanting the valve could cause scarring where it meets the vas deferens,"
He went on to say that the valve could malfunction, and create a build up of sperm that (and these aren't his words, or anything approaching what he actually said) "would literally create a massive jizz explosion"
The valve is to be implanted in 25 men in trials starting this year. Godspeed, you brave, ridiculous men.