12 New Year’s Resolutions You Might Actually Keep in 2018

Dry January my ar*e.

Every year we all promise ourselves that we'll stick to the same old new year's resolutions: That we'll embrace dry January, start jogging and actually wear those unbelievably expensive shoes we've had at the back of our wardrobe since forever.

Predictable plot twist: It's totally unrealistic.

By the third of the month we're sat on the sofa, downing G&Ts and wearing pyjamas we've owned since uni. Again.

So how about we set ourselves some more achievable, tangible goals?

1. Have one alcohol-free evening a week

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Sometimes.

2. Get back to our friends' Facebook messages

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Unless they're being annoying.

3. Eat a piece of fruit once a week

Does jam count?

4. Go for a drink with a new acquaintance 

Then never again, because social anxiety.

5. Ask for a pay rise and fail miserably

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You might end up remaining on minimum wage, but don't you feel like an independent woman?

6. Have a weekly panic attack

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Reduce those daily stress-induced panic attacks to just one every seven days.

7. Get five hours of sleep a night

An upgrade from three, right?

8. Read a book

If you can't get through one Harry Potter, a magazine will do.

9. Clean your sheets

Do it at least once in 2018. Twice if you're feeling crazy.

10. Have sex at least once

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We believe in you.

11. Save up some money

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If you've got £20 in the bank by Christmas next year, you've smashed it.

12. Learn one word of a new language

"Que?"

Congratulations guys. This is adulting. 

Keep Reading: New Year's Resolution Inspiration From Friends