Before you start reading, whack this baby on to get yourself in the mood for some sweet, sweet lovin' - we mean, article perusing.
Not much has been written about the Olympics so far. It seems like everyone is trying to forget about it, because with athletes refusing to attend and being banned all over the place it looks like it's going to be just another one of 2016's disasters.
But now we have a reason for hope.
Because the Rio Olympics have already set a new record. A record for the number of condoms given to each athlete.
For 10,500 athletes, they're throwing around 450,000 condoms/rubbers/dong-wrappers/willy-warmers.
That's 42 per person for an event that lasts for 17 days.
And who can blame them? These are young people at their physical peak, letting off steam after coming anywhere between first and last in their chosen discipline in a village filled with other young 'uns moulded in the image of actual Greek Gods and Goddesses.
It's time for them to get their freak on.
Don't believe us?
Well, at London's Olympics the athletes crashed Grindr as soon as they arrived.
In Sochi, an Olympic gold snowboarder described Tinder in Olympic Village as "next level".
A table-tennis player described the aftermath of Beijing as a "volcanic release of pent-up hedonism".
So, Olympians, we salute you and your new record. God speed.