Charmy, Piky, Bulby and Squirty. No, not the sexually deviant cousins of Snow White's seven dwarves, who only turn up at awkward birthday parties of distant relatives, but four new Pokémon sex toys.
It was only a matter of time before they dominated the bedroom, having popped up on every square inch of the planet via Pokémon Go.
And in a world where Pokémon toys like THIS are allowed to exist (we really, really hope they're pencil toppers), we shouldn't be surprised that Pokémon sex toys are now a thing.
A couple named Emma and Josh, who describe themselves as "big geeks", created their own tools for Poké-play after finding nothing to please them in sex shops. They set up Geekysextoys.com (worth a visit, trust us) and soon these delightful dildos were bequethed on us all:
‘Bulby’ – A grass type Pokémoan. Bulby has a large seed tip making it a very pleasurable friend to have. It’s seed is 5cm wide and 4cm tall and its body is 16cm tall and 3.5cm wide.
‘Charmy’ – A slightly thinner, fire type Pokémoan with a flaming tail. Standing 18cm tall and 4cm wide at its widest point Charmy gives intense orgasms everywhere it goes.
‘Squirty’ – A water Pokémoan. Squirty has a smooth round head with a large grooved turtle shell on its back. Its bubbly head measures 4cm wide whilst his body measures 6cm wide and 14cm tall.
‘Piky’ – This small electric type anal Pokémoan is a perfect size for the average Pokémoan trainer. Piky is an extremely cute yet essential addition to your team. Its insertable size is 2.5cm wide by 4cm tall and his tail is 8cm long.
Bet you can't wait to say 'I choose you'.