Ridiculously WTF-Worthy Vintage Dating Advice

"Please and flatter your date by talking about the things he wants to talk about."
Click Parade Magazine (1938)

Dating in 2017 is a minefield. Do you text first? Is the third date too soon to say “I love you”? Is ghosting really kinder than a simple, “thanks, but no thanks,” WhatsApp – or is that just how shitbags justify their shitbaggery to themselves?

Well, our couples on Your Face Or Mine – arriving on Comedy Central on Wednesday 17th May – have managed to navigate their way to actually having a boyfriend or girlfriend, though if hosts Jimmy Carr and Katherine Ryan have anything to do with it they might find themselves single soon enough. 

Perhaps, in that case, they might want to take a look at this vintage romance advice from the 1930s, 40s and 50s… Or not. It’s a wonder your grandparents ever got together at all. But let’s not think about that too much, eh?

Utterly Insane Vintage Relationship Advice

"Don't be sentimental. Men don't like tears, especially in public places."
1 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Think it's hard being single now? Imagine what it was like back when women had to be ladies and guys were mostly gentlemanly. Basically, Tinder never would've taken off. Don't believe us? Check out these golden pieces of advice from a golden age...
2 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)When a man dances he wants to dance. And that's the end of that.
3 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Basically, HIDE YOUR FEELINGS AT ALL TIMES.
4 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Seriously, AT ALL TIMES.
5 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Ladies who like to do it on the tube must've been screwed back then.
6 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Being conspicuous is the WORST.
7 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Were all 30s men jealous types, or what?
8 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Tbf, this is definitely where we've gone wrong on more than one occasion.
9 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Some people just can't handle a PDA.
10 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)Man. Needs. His. Mirror.
11 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)"Please and flatter your date by talking about the things he wants to talk about." Of course.
12 of 33Click Parade Magazine (1938)This dude doesn't look too bothered by the situation, tbh.
13 of 33TumblrIt's almost as if The Great British Bake Off existed back then.
14 of 33TumblrNEVER overestimate your own wit or beauty, ladies.
15 of 33TumblrQuitted?
16 of 33TumblrWe all know the moon does strange things to female types.
17 of 33TumblrNow you know, people. Now you know.
18 of 33TumblrWell, that's us out of a job then, isn't it?
19 of 33TumblrIf you liked it, you know what you should've done.
20 of 33TumblrThis sentence really needs further explanation, doesn't it?
21 of 33Tumblr"Rather forward." LOL.
22 of 33TumblrIf you didn't laugh, you'd throw something out of a fucking window.
23 of 33PinterestWOW.
24 of 33PinterestThis definitely ain't how they do it in Europe.
25 of 33PinterestWHERE IS THE LOGIC IN THIS?
26 of 33Pinterest"Problem days"? What the fuck are "problem days"?
27 of 33PinterestThere must be something in between the two, though - right? 'Acceptably slutty', perhaps?
28 of 33PinterestConversation 101.
29 of 33PinterestBasically, lie your face off. Yes?
30 of 33PinterestSafe from what, exactly? SAFE FROM WHAT?
31 of 33PinterestWe don't even know where to start...
32 of 33Pinterest"Shut up sometimes." BRILLIANT.
33 of 33PinterestHow did anyone back then ever manage to find love?

Tune in to brand new Your Face Or Mine from Wednesday 17th May at 8pm

LIKED THAT? YOU'LL LOVE THIS: 47 UNBELIEVABLY OFFENSIVE VINTAGE ADS THAT WOULD DEFINITELY BE BANNED TODAY

47 Unbelievably Offensive Vintage Ads That Would Definitely Be Banned Today

Warning: The following content contains sexism, racism... and, well, just about every other kind of 'ism' you can think of.
1 of 47PinterestSure, life was different back then. But these incredibly politically incorrect old timey ads will still raise an eyebrow or two...
2 of 47PinterestEdna was basically Bridget Jones without the big knickers.
3 of 47PinterestDid you spot the innuendo? (How about the actual product that's being advertised?)
4 of 47PinterestBrings a whole new meaning to treating a woman like a doormat.
5 of 47PinterestProof that body shaming is nothing new.
6 of 47PinterestViet. Nam. That is all.
7 of 47Pinterest"You know from girl things."
8 of 47PinterestErm, WHAAAATTT?
9 of 47PinterestNobody in the history of existence was ever happy with a Hoover on Christmas morning.
10 of 47PinterestCoke "relieves mental and phisical exhaustion". Because of all the sugar.
11 of 47PinterestFly Delta and be pleasured!
12 of 47Pinterest"Designed to make girls 6 to 16 look slimmer."
13 of 47PinterestThere. Are. No. Words.
14 of 47PinterestWhat makes a man? Violence. Violence makes a man.
15 of 47PinterestThis is just the first of Lysol's many, many, many offences.
16 of 47Pinterest"Failure to practice hygiene often results in needless tragedies," such as few social invitations.
17 of 47PinterestYep. This happened.
18 of 47PinterestAnd this.
19 of 47PinterestOMG.
20 of 47PinterestGo on. Think of her as YOUR MOTHER. It's the American way.
21 of 47Pinterest#qualityparenting
22 of 47PinterestSo many wrong here. So many.
23 of 47PinterestGee! We're glad we weren't alive in 1918!
24 of 47PinterestWomen! Be sexy! Put on 10 to 15 pounds of SOLID FLESH in just a few weeks!
25 of 47PinterestOoh! Look! It's Lysol again! Helping women everywhere to "keep desirable"!
26 of 47PinterestBecause women of the 70s were rules by their shoes.
27 of 47PinterestShotguns! Fun for all the family!
28 of 47PinterestBecause cancer > love handles.
29 of 47PinterestFOOLS indeed!
30 of 47Pinterest"Remember: don't talk on, and on, and on!" (Actually a good rule for life, tbf.)
31 of 47PinterestIndelicate women are the DEVIL.
32 of 47Pinterest"Now with extra large snack sack!"
33 of 47PinterestAha! Thank Parker for this first step toward gender equality... Or, you know, don't.
34 of 47Pinterest"Take your time, dear." OR, how about: "Go fuck yourself, dear?"
35 of 47PinterestBe a creep for FREE!
36 of 47PinterestSure, you smell love - but rest assured you're not fat!
37 of 47PinterestHey lady, looking for a man? BE PERFECT AT ALL TIMES.
38 of 47Pinterest"Hey Don, how do we get more women to smoke?" "BABIES, PEGGY! SELL CIGARETTES WITH BABIES!" "Oh, Don. You're a genius."
39 of 47PinterestWatch out, women. There are other women out there. And they're better at womening than you.
40 of 47PinterestA placket that pops! GASP! And she looked like marriage material, too.
41 of 47PinterestSeriously, though, shampoo's just not worth getting upset over.
42 of 47PinterestMEN SUFFER PERIODS TOO, YOU KNOW.
43 of 47PinterestFor these are the important things in life.
44 of 47PinterestSo THAT'S how to convince a man not to stray. Pizza.
45 of 47PinterestThey won't save your life, but they will make you skinny. Because priorities.
46 of 47PinterestWhen you don't know how to say it, say it with a tie.
47 of 47PinterestWhat a woman really wants... to be treated like a cigar.

WATCH! WHO'S HOTTER? YOUR FACE OR MINE COMING SOON TO COMEDY CENTRAL 

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