For centuries, humans have searched for the key to immortality, the secret that will allow us to live forever.
Now, they may have found it. And guess what the formula is? You got it: it's the delicious blood of teens.
That's right, according to New Scientist the blood of human youths has been injected into elderly mice, improving their "memory, cognition, and physical activity".
A scientist from Boston University said, "The blood of young people must have something in it that’s important for keeping them young." People, this is big. This is fucking big.
A trial of young blood has already been started for people with Alzheimer's disease, and the next step is logical: pursue immortality by sacrificing millennials for the greater good.
Mmmmmm. Drink it in. Eternal life never tasted so good.