Someone Wrote A Porno About A Sentient Pound Coin Saving The UK From Brexit

He's the hero we deserve, and the one we need right now...

This weekend it seemed like every Tom, Dick, Harry and their mums were chatting about Brexit. Opinions here, opinions there. Try to order a Big Mac? Here's your order of opinions. Turn round a corner, oh shit, more opinions. Listen, honestly, we've had it with opinions - you know what we really need right now? Brexit porno. And luckily one man - one visionary - has answered our prayers.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union.

Chuck Tingle / Comedy Central

Yes, this really exists.

For those not in the know, Chuck Tingle is an anonymous Amazon author, who deals pretty much exclusively in very, very strange gay erotica, and you know what? He's pretty good at it!

Seriously, who wouldn't want to read Handsome Sentient Food Pounds My Butt And Turns Me Gay: Eight Tales Of Hot Food? Pretty much in love with hardcore dino porn but find they lack that vital chopper? Why not try Helicopter Man Pounds Dinosaur Billionaire Ass? Want to get a bonk on before heading in for the worst workday of the week? Monday Pounds Me In The Butt is for you!

But we're not here to talk to you about Tingle's classics, like Buttception: A Butt Within A Butt Within A Butt. We're here to talk about his butt-centric take on Brexit.

Comedy Central

Pounded By The Pound is a time-travelling, socio-political erotica, sort of like if Slaughterhouse Five included a fifty page banging scene. It follows Alex Liverbort, a man who, like you or me (probably) woke up dazed and confused the morning we found out we were leaving the EU. Taking a hungover walk along the Thames, Alex is confronted by a giant, floating, sentient pound coin from the future, who tells Alex he's the only hope we have left to undo our terrible choice. By banging, obviously.

If you're still not convinced, here are a few of our favourite, erm... passages...

The book is full of nightmare visions of the future, that seem even more compelling and realistic day by day...

It proves that love is all you need, truly...

And (obviously) it's also a bit sexy...

Pounded By The Pound is the cleansing catharsis this country needs right now. And it's only £2 on Amazon.

Related: 22 Hilarious Brexit Reactions