Tesco Is Banning Curved Croissants And Only Stocking Straight Ones

Homophobes.

"Life was much better in the old days," - that's you speaking, right now.

"In the old days, you could get croissants that were curved like the crescent moon," you go on, dribbling now, "None of this straight nonsense you see nowadays".

Yes, my friends, it's tragically true. Tesco have banned curved croissants and are now only selling the straight versions. The reason why may shock, upset, and disturb you. 

“At the heart of the move away from curved croissants is the spreadability factor. The majority of shoppers find it easier to spread jam, or their preferred filling, on a straighter shape with a single sweeping motion," said Harry Jones, Tesco croissant buyer.

Side note: get us that job. We want that job.

So yes, it turns out that Brits are too stupid to spread jam on a curved surface. Like, we have literally declined as a nation that much. First The X Factor, now this.

God help us all.