The 15 Maddest Products On Amazon (And Their Hilarious Customer Reviews)

Amazon isn't just for Kindles, box-sets and cookbooks – there's all manner of insane crap for sale, if you're willing to dig around a bit...

[subheader:list:1]Pam St. Clements canvas clock (signed by the artist)[/subheader]

PRICE: £11.50

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
I like it best at around 10 to 2
By TeeKay on 10 May 2012
I have one of these in each of my good rooms. I like it best at around 10 to 2 or 10 past 11. That's when the hands cover her eyes. When they don't she tells me to do bad things.

[subheader:list:2]Crafting With Cat Hair by Kaori Tsutaya[/subheader]

PRICE: £9.59

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
This book saved my life
By Brooksie on 17 Oct 2012
I was once like you. I used to sit in front of my telly box with my three cats (Prometheus, Socrates and Nigel), wondering how to fill my days, between shouting at rain and sorting through my collection of old Smash Hits magazines, all the while having no idea what to do with the 17 burlap sacks filled with cat hair going to waste in my shed. That is until I stumbled across this book...

[subheader:list:3]Radioactive Uranium Ore[/subheader]

PRICE: £9.59

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW:
Counts as one of your 5 a day.
By Jammer on July 17, 2014
Magic stuff. Been taking 1 spoon a day for 3 weeks. I can now type this review using all 12 fingers.

[subheader:list:4]CTA iPad stand with toilet-roll holder[/subheader]

PRICE: $29.99

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
Thank God
By Mattworld31 on October 28, 2013
I can't tell you how much my quality of life has improved.
Often I would poop, and in the heat of the moment, blindly grab my iPad and start wiping.
What a mess!
And AppleCare apparently doesn't count poop as an 'Act of God'.
I disagree, and have written the Vatican for clarification.

[subheader:list:5]Katie Price and Peter Andre - A Whole New World CD[/subheader]

PRICE: £5.99

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
I haven't pooed for three days since first listening to this record
By B J McQueen on 13 Jun 2011
I was persuaded to purchase this record by my best friend Abdullah on the basis that it had cured his asthma. The story went that Abdullah had become more and more breathless as the album raged on, until finally during the penultimate track 'I've Had The Time Of My Life' Abdullah quite involuntarily let out a harrowing scream of pleasure and collapsed in a frenzy of fluid. From the moment Abdullah awoke in hospital it was discovered that his chronic asthma had completely subsided, leaving him with lungs 'comparible to that of a 2 year old dolphin' according to the duty nurse.

[subheader:list:6]Matias single-handed half-keyboard[/subheader]

PRICE: £510

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
Wergs Great
By MrDougieFresh on April 18, 2014
FINALLY, a product that only makes me have to type HALF as much as normal. That's 50%! This will be so useful for my daily job of copying Shakespearean manuscripts. In fact, I will write the rest of this review using the Matias Halfkeyboard USB. Here we go, testing:

EGAD Et Wercs Great Fer Werc

[subheader:list:7]How To Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer[/subheader]

PRICE: from £141.81 (used) 

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
Just think what this wonderful book could do for me if I actually purchased it
By Jimmy Kavanagh on October 9, 2014
I merely glanced at the cover of this book on Amazon and since then I have yet to hit, or be hit, by a huge ship. 

[subheader:list:8]JL421 Badonkadonk tank[/subheader]

PRICE: $19,999.95

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
No real thought behind the design
By M. Steepleon February 20, 2014
The interior equipment is poor. White chinos, chocolate milkshake gripped between knees, jumpy clutch, nuff said. WHERE ARE THE GODDAM CUP HOLDERS???

[subheader:list:9]Braza Camel-Not anti-camel-toe foam inserts[/subheader]

PRICE: $8.03

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
Finally! A crotch bra! Just padded :(
By Ohyeahreally on August 11, 2012
For years, I have been searching for a bra to hide my unsightly downstairs parts. Of course, I have been able to find a bra to hide my upstairs parts, but the downstairs was still there to see for anyone who cared to stare hard enough. I thought that finally I had found a product that could give me that smooth, Barbie-doll look I was longing for.
Unfortunately, this product didn't quite work. Instead of the Barbie crotch, I got the Ken bulge.

[subheader:list:10]Penetrating Wagner's Ring by John L. DeGaetani[/subheader]

PRICE: £10.99

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW:
A pleasant experience for all
By Joshua Claxton on May 15, 2014
Before penetrating fully into Wagner's Ring, I would suggest gently fingering through so as to become properly acquainted.

[subheader:list:11]AutoExec Wheelmate steering wheel work-surface tray[/subheader]

PRICE: $20.78

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW:
Makes a boring drive easier
By Michael McCollough on November 19, 2009
You wouldn't believe how much more interesting my commute is now that I have something to do other than just stare out the window! I'm using it right now to post this review and I never

[subheader:list:12]Jigsaw puzzle of Nick Humby, Manchester United's finance director[/subheader]

PRICE: £19.99

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
Official is always best
By Dr PaulVale on 4 May 2013
And about flippin' time!
For years now I've had to put up with bootleg/Jigsaws of undetermined origin of the daddy of Finance directors Nick Humby,now those days are gone
This official release couldn't come at a better time. I recently completed the unofficial set of Premier League finance directors but these "Boots" are made from poor quality materials and I feel guilty that my money goes to a dodgy bloke who has a sweatshop in Leicester and not to the people who really need it MUFC.
Like most of you reading this I have the Nick Humby bath mat,drink coasters and cat litter tray but the jigsaw is the icing on the cake.
Well done to MUFC for finally making people's dreams come true and I'm already looking forward to the limited edition 500 piece jigsaw that includes a Nick Humby cross stitch for the wife and Nick Humby pop-up book for the kiddies.
So if you only buy one Nick Humby jigsaw make sure it's this one.

[subheader:list:13]AudioQuest Diamond HDMI lead[/subheader]

PRICE: $1,494.75 (!)

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
Skip your Mortgage payment! 
By Amazon Customer on December 27, 2001
My house recently went into foreclosure and i needed something to cheer me up. I walked into the nearest best buy with the intention of just browsing and not purchasing anything. I was approached by a beautiful sales woman who said i looked very depressed and needed an HDMI cable in my life. She showed me the most expensive one they had. I explained to her my situation and she informed me there really was no point in paying my house since i was gonna lose it anyways. This made sense to me and i skipped my house payment and bought the cable.

[subheader:list:14]Bombproof Your Horse by Sgt. Rick Pelicano[/subheader]

PRICE: from £4.69 (used)

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
Finally, someone's tackling this problem
By scluryb on 4 March, 2011
I run a large stables in the South East of England and in recent years we have been plagued by spates of horse-related explosions. I'm very pleased to say that after following the advice in this book, we have seen our horse detonation rate fall by over 75%.

[subheader:list:15]20-inch box canvas print of Paul Ross[/subheader]

PRICE: from £6,459.99 (used) (yes, seriously)

TYPICAL CUSTOMER REVIEW: 
POOR QUALITY 
By David Mountfield on 5 September, 2014
DO NOT BUY THIS BOX PRINT! I cannot emphasise that enough. Everybody with any sense wants a box print of Paul Ross, that's a given. But this is NOT the one to get. The box frame is POOR QUALITY and the image is prone to fading in direct sunlight. I have it on good authority that a competing company is about to bring out a 24 inch box print of Paul. The image is better on an heirloom quality frame and canvas and the whole thing is just going to scream class. You only buy a box canvas print of Paul Ross once, so make it count.

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