Everyone has their favourite part of Christmas dinner, and it’s not usually the turkey, TBH.
Seriously, you know it's a good meal when even a bunch of potatoes can hold their own against stuffing and Yorkshire puddings!
But let’s cut all the crap about ‘everyone has different preferences’ and ‘it’s a matter of taste’ for a moment, because there’s a clear hierarchy sizzling in that oven tray on Christmas morning, from the very best to the absolute worst.
Are you ready?
Let's get this out of the way, shall we?
No one really looks forward to eating Turkey on Christmas day. If Turkey was a person, it'd be an 'I dunno, whatever you fancy doing tonight' kind of person. It's bland, it's dry, but it provides a platform for the other foods. That's all it has going for it.
11. Christmas pudding
Out it comes, covered in brandy and flames as everyone forces a smile wishing that it wasn't heading towards their bowl.
Maybe that's why there's a tradition to put money in it, because people wouldn't touch it otherwise.
10. Red cabbage
What other time of the year do we actively look forward to eating cabbage? Exactly.
9. Roasted root vegetables
While carrots are sweet and delicious, they're brought down by the medicinal taste of parsnips. As a result, there's just a bit too much going on, unlike...
8. The humble roast potato
Roast potatoes are reliably delicious, as any fat-soaked carb should be.
Only thing is is that the roast potato can't go it alone - it relies on other flavours to be what it is.
7. Pigs in blankets
Deliciously salty and sadistically named, pigs in blankets are wonderful on the tongue.
In a way, pigs in blankets deserve their own show. While the turkey is sitting there in the roasting dish thinking it's the bees knees, each pig in each blanket knows a pig could beat a turkey in a fight any day.
6. Cranberry sauce
Sweet and refreshing cranberry sauce is a Christmas roast necessity. While the usual fate of a cranberry is to end up in an Ocean Spray bottle, a lucky few are given the glory of arriving to our tables in a little ramikin on December 25th.
While expertly-created stuffing would easily climb to the top of the list, it's unfortunately the Russian roulette of the Christmas roast dinner.
It's either like Christmas in a single mouthful or a bite of sausagey air. Too risky.
Love them or hate them, you've got to hand it to sprouts. It takes a lot of guts to be a green vegetable in a brown meaty world.
Sprouts do a miraculous thing every year too - they make you feel like your Christmas dinner is almost healthy.
3. Yorkshire puddings
Some would argue that Yorkshire puddings don't belong at Christmas.
These people have clearly never spent time imagining drowning in a giant Yorkshire filled to the brim with gravy. And speaking of gravy...
If gravy was forgotten, what would a roast dinner be? An 'oh'-st dinner, that's what.
1. Bread sauce
Quieten down everyone, and admit it - bread sauce is the glue to the foundations of Christmas dinner.
While things like gravy and sprouts parade around like they own the plate, bread sauce humbly unites meat and vegetable, sauce and carb. It's the only true diplomat on this earth, if the earth was made of gravy and bacon.