The Definitive Ranking Of Every Child In School Of Rock

"I'm not cool enough."

15. Zack Mooneyham

Paramount

Zack has such a stinkin' attitude. He's always moping and moaning just because his dad is slightly abusive. But by far the worst thing about Zack is that he isn't even a child. The character was played a 25-year-old named Damon Milliband. We can't prove it, but the clues are there. 

14. Michelle 

Paramount

Michelle is great at unfolding t-shirts dramatically, we'll give her that, but she's crap at everything else. 

13. Eleni 

Paramount

Nobody knows or cares who Eleni is. Not even Eleni. 

12. Summer Hathaway

Paramount

Remember in Year Five when you had to do a six-page project on Henry VIII for Mrs. Rushton? Yeah, well Summer is that kid that did twelve pages. 

11. Gordon 

Paramount

Gordon is a perfectly lovely child, if you like them weak and pointless. 

10. Katie 

Paramount

 We're not saying Katie is an attractive child, because that would be wrong. 

9. Marco 

Paramount

Does Marco do anything notable? No. But can't you just constantly feel the raw power of his presence? Also no. 

8. Marta

Paramount

Marta is a farter, if schoolyard rumours are to be believed. 

7. Frankie

Paramount

Frankie is a total pile of nonsense, until you see him dancing during the final song (watch the movie again, seriously. It's the greatest movie ever made.) If we had to kill off the children of School of Rock one-by-one, we'd definitely kill him ninth. 

6. Alicia

Paramount

Alicia slayed before slaying was even a concept. She was our queen before a queen other than Elizabeth I existed. Alicia would win this contest hands down, if her head was shaped more like a pea. 

5. Leonard 

Paramount

HIS HEAD IS SHAPED LIKE A PEA. 

4. Billy 

Paramount

In the history of humanity, there will never be a more perfect sequence of words than "You're tacky and I hate you." 

3. Tomika 

Paramount

Tomika can sing and also keeps snacks in her desk, what more could anyone ever want? 

2. Freddy Jones

Paramount

Freddy Jones is so punk rock. He's the Draco Malfoy of Horace Green. But less racist. These are all good things. 

1. Lawrence 

Paramount

"I DON'T WANT TO BE NUMBER ONE ON THIS LIST... I'M NOT COOL ENOUGH" - what Lawrence would say, if he was reading this and/or real. Well guess what, Lawrence? You are. Cool enough, that is. Not real. 

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