God, millennials. So awful, right? Buying avocados instead of houses, complaining about lack of job security or fair wages instead of just sucking it up and learning how to build a shelf or murder a pig with their bare hands.
The worst thing about the highly-educated yet underemployed generation - clearly - is their shaky office management skills. Sure, you might be able to write stylishly after spending years crying over essays or have a first-class grasp of the physics of black holes, but do you know how to fill a goddamn printer you worthless human? Probably not, and in the eyes of the Tea House Theatre in south London, that makes you a failure.
The tearoom-come-theatre uploaded this job advert on Tuesday, after their search for an office manager was for some reason proving fruitless:
“Are you just not taught anything about existing in the real world, where every penny counts [including your very low salary that is barely London living wage]?"
It’s somewhat no surprise the venue felt righteous enough to share such an arsehole-y job spec. A short dig into the organisation shows this kind of attitude permeates (sometimes in quite sinister ways) throughout.
Not set foot in there since finding Vote Leave leaflets being put on every table "by orders of management" by tearful Spanish waitress— Polly Faber (@Pollylwh) July 18, 2017
Not everyone has had the same experience, however. For balance’s sake, a former attendee of the establishment and Vauxhall local described being “really shocked” at the advert as “they've always been very nice” bar the one rogue piece of bacon found in a veggie sandwich. "They have a sweet cat... and a sign in the gender neutral loos telling women they are breastfeeding friendly and to alert a member of staff if anyone is giving them trouble for it.”
Despite the cat, they do, however, have an incredible wanky bio that look like it was written by someone attempting to be “cool” and “different” who got fired from the Innocent marketing team circa 2010.
We are trying to be different. We will not hurry you. If you visit us on your lunch break, then have one, you will be more productive in the afternoon. If you want to have a meeting, we will not disturb you. If you are ‘working from home’, we have wifi. If you have children, we have highchairs, a chest of toys, and milkshakes. We always have the daily papers, so please, relax, and share in what we are trying to create, take a load off, and have a cuppa.
*Dies inside at corporate chumminess*
A few hours after the ad was posted, the Arts Council pulled it, and diplomatically avoided shaming the company. We reached out to them to see whether they’d been in contact with the Tea House after the event, but the organisation failed to offer any more information than their vague damage control tweets, telling us, “Arts Jobs listings are created by our users who are subject to a number of terms and conditions. While we do have checks in place to stop spam or offensive content appearing, sometimes posts slip through the net. We have since removed this advert.” They have not been in contact with the company after pulling the ad.
Tea House Theatre this morning pic.twitter.com/tlmnuVs1kn— Ryan Devlin (@RyanDevlin_) July 18, 2017
But who was responsible for the message, exactly? One of the two names signed proudly at the bottom of the ad is Hal Iggulden, co-author of “The Dangerous Book for Boys” published by Harper Collins in 2006. Whilst his online fingerprint seems to be minimal, he’s listed here on a database for the Conservative Book Club, as well as being the author of some racist tweets from a few years ago:
umm, here's the founder of the Tea House Theatre's twitter account pic.twitter.com/7sGwEi5bLp— JFK (@FUERTESKNIGHT) July 18, 2017
We contacted Harper Collins to see whether this would be affecting any future relationship with the author, but we are yet to hear back.
It's OK if you're older and hate millennials that's fine but next time you can't figure out how to print a word doc DONT ASK ME CAROL— loni del rey (@LoniBryantt) July 17, 2017
Disdain for the young isn’t new, but by God it’s boring. If you’re looking to employ engaged, talented young people, next time maybe don’t be such a dick about it?