Social media really can be a minefield at the best of times, what with all the stalking-of-attractive-people that you have to do, and it's really easy to go wrong. Here's all the worst mistakes you can make, so you can at least attempt to avoid them. Because we're nice like that.
Doing really specific location check-ins
Sometimes, you can accidentally do a location check-in on Twitter. And sometimes that location is really specific. Like the exact address of the coffee shop you’re pretending to write a screenplay in, so then that creepy guy who keeps liking your selfies can wander in and find you IRL.
Stalking people you fancy
Ok, OBVIOUSLY, everyone does this. But you’ve got to be sneaky and not get it wrong. You’ve got to realise that if you’re stalking someone’s tweets from seven months ago, that if you like something they retweeted, they will get a notification and KNOW YOUR SECRET. If you like an Instagram picture from over a hundred weeks ago, it’s unlikely they will ask you out for a drink, and will instead think you’re a creepy graveyard–dwelling perv.
It’ll just make you look like a dick. If you post on Facebook saying: ‘OMG this taxi driver is being SO annoying’, you’re hardly getting any sympathy. All that us night bus users heard was that you’re in a taxi. Calm down, big shot!
Ranting too much
Even if you’re the most liberal person in the world, if you come across on social media as really angry, then fellow internet-dwellers will be terrified of the concept of meeting you in real life and will probably sign you up to an anger management course.
Changing your name on Facebook to something outrageous
It’ll seem like a good idea at the time, but it takes months before you can change it back. If you give yourself a Halloween themed name, you will quickly come to regret it, as you’ll be stuck with the surname ‘GhoulSpook’ until January.
Drunkenly changing your name on Google +
*Obviously coming from personal experience* DON’T DO THIS. Because you won’t realise that your name on your Gmail account is now ‘I Am An Alien’ until you’ve emailed a load of people who are now assuming you’re a 13 year old who spends all of their life posting GIFs on Tumblr. Also it will take you ages to work out how to change it back and you’ll have to wallow in the embarrassment in the meantime.