It seems like some parents have watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off one too many times, because they have serious trust issues with their kids.
That, or their kids are raging maniacs, which is also genuinely possible.
Because this mum and dad pair went away for the weekend and saw fit to leave some absolutely blunt instructions for their children.
You know things are going to be good when the note starts with: "I love U both very much but lets face it you's are arseholes!"
To be fair, they did leave some money for bare essentials, but were careful to note that essentials did not include drugs or hookers.
Now that's parenting.
When yer maw n da are going on holiday n have trust issues... pic.twitter.com/gZgUVv4kOK— Robbie Ewart (@Robbieewartt) July 16, 2016
The full (multiple page note) is below:
I love you both very much but lets face it you’s are arseholes! I know you both like to try and outdo each other in the ‘who can fuck up the most category’ so please DON’T feel the need to express yourself’s when I’m gone. BAD things happen.
I DON'T want another letter from the council reg anti-social behaviour or a visit from Police Scotlands finest. If you go out please come back! Granny Mo does not want to report you missing in action.
Remember the dog. Yes, dogs need to be fed every day just like you. You are the responsible one (hard to believe). Look after Robbie because lets face it the boy’s half daft and can barely tie his shoelaces. Life can be difficult for him.
Remember you have a job you need to go every day (mon-fri). Please inform your squad that our log cabin is not a drug den or a 24 hour bar. Please also refrain from drinking the place dry and I know you are all growing boys but please don’t eat the entire contents of the fridge in 1 night. Plants and ornaments stay in the garden and believe it or not our neighbours don’t like it when one of your amigos drive up and down the street on their shitty wee dirt bike. I have left money for essentials i.e. bread and milk not DRUGS, GLENS, MAD DUG HOOKERS AND DOMINOES!
If you run out of food phone Granny Mo. She will no doubt bring you a bag of M+S’ finest cause she thinks you’s are sweet and angelic. For anything major phone Granda Sean as Granny Mo will panic. Nobody else in the family nearby likes you’s anyway so no need to contact anyone else.
So remember. Kerry, Wull and wee Lewy deserve a holiday free from stress and worry. If you do anything to ruin it you will both face my eternal wrath. AGAIN LOVE YOU BOTH.