There's not much we wouldn't do for free food. Attend tedious meetings for the free croissants, sit through your racist uncle's rants at Sunday lunch, hell, one of us even had an ex who would pick discarded chip boxes out of bins just to save the drunken kebab expense!
But would you change yourself, your very identity, your very *essence* to get a free burger? How about free burgers for life?
Well, thanks to this burger truck in Australia, your dreams of 24/7 365 burger bliss are within your reach, and all for just one, teeny tiny change to your birth certificate...
That's right, the restaurant chain is willing to give you a free burger every day of your god damn life if you change your name to, you guessed it, Mr. (or Mrs.) Burger! All you have to do is send them a copy of your name change confirmation and you're set for LIFE... well, one free meal a day at least.
"But, Comedy Central," we here you scream into your iPhone, "I live in England, not Australia. Why would I care about a competition half way round the world that promises free burgers for life if I make a stupid spur of the moment decision that will affect me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY?"
Well here's one simple question: how much money are you gonna spend on burgers in your life? Seriously, think about it. Maybe moving to Australia and changing your name is actually a WAY better deal than however you're "living" now.
If you're seriously interested in getting free burgers for life (and, frankly, we can't see why you wouldn't) then act fast. Apparently no one has taken Mr Burger up on their offer yet, and they still have 10, YES 10, lifetime burger prizes to give away.
Better book those tickets to Australia, folks!
So our amazing colleague, Scott, did a quick calculation. Turns out changing your name to Mr. Burger is worth £2,184 a year, and £109,200 over the next 50 years... THAT'S ENOUGH FOR A GOD DAMN HOUSE DEPOSIT RIGHT NOW. Well, assuming you live another 50 years... how healthy is an all-burger diet, anyway?
Seriously, BOOK THAT PLANE TICKET!