This Is How The Friends Cast Would Fare In The Big Brother House

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD (which would be a real problem)

Today from 1pm to 7pm, we’re showing a whole load of Big Brother-themed Friends episodes (we call it #FriendsFridays on Twitter, because we're #passionaboutsocialengagement)

Which got us thinking – how would the Friends gang do if we chucked them inside the BB house for our viewing pleasure? We had a little guess…

Joey

Comedy Central

Positives: With his foolproof pick-up lines, Joey is sure to provide a steamy romance.

Maybe he’ll finally get together with Pheobe? Just imagine how whole you’d feel, after all this time. So content. So happy. So ready for death’s sweet embrace, at long last.

Negatives: We all know that JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD, so how will the others fare as Tribbiani feasts out on every last morsel of their weekly grocery rations.

Haggard. Starving, freezing their jumbo mugs of coffee in the hope of creating some semblance of food, the caffeine’s laxative effects no longer relevant. It could all get very depressing, very quickly.

Phoebe

Comedy Central

Positives: Everybody loves Pheebs. Hordes of viewers would tune in morning, noon and night to hear Buffay talk about her early life as a petty thief, that time she contracted Hepatitis C when a pimp spat in her mouth, her short-lived boxing career and her trip to Prague to make sombreros.

Negatives: That. Damn. Guitar. We’re sure that supplying Phoebe with a musical instrument would be a violation of at least seven U.N torture laws. 

 

Monica

Comedy Central

Positives: The matriarch, Monica would organize every aspect of her housemate’s lives.

She’d manage the budget, clean the surroundings, and manage to rescue Joey when he inevitable gets his hand/head/other head stuck in something.

Negatives: She’s highly competitive, and would do anything to win. She’d screw over her husband, her brother, her best friend and probably her baby to get first place – and the fans won’t like that. Out first.

 

Ross

Comedy Central

Positives: As we’ve previously posited, Ross is an awful bastard of a dickhead – which stands him in good stead when it comes to winning Big Brother’s duplicitous mind games.

Cunning and just a little bit mental, he could be a winner.

Negatives: He’s liable to go on a violent rampage if anyone steals his sandwich from the fridge – or even if Big Brother doesn’t supply any gravy to soak his buns in.

Frankly, Ross is a ticking time bomb of nervous fury – and when he cracks the Unagi out, the cameras better be rolling.

 

Chandler

Comedy Central

Positives: Nothing.

Negative: Chandler resorts to jokes when he feels uncomfortable, so expect 24/7 puns and gags. Without any audience laughter to validate him, Miss Chanandler Bong will almost certainly have a very real mental breakdown.

Plus, since Monica’s in the house, there’s a very real possibility that we’d have to watch Chandler having sex. Get him out now, for both of our sakes.

 

Rachel

Comedy Central

Positives: Stylish, beautiful and bra-less, Rachel would bring an air of glamour to the Ikea-clad house. She’ll probably unveil some new haircut, which every man, woman, child and dog will adopt the very same day.

Negatives: The haircut won’t stand the test of time. Your future kids will one day scroll through your tagged Facebook photos – through every cringeworthy fashion fad and boyband dye job – and silently wish for your death.