This Jeremy Clarkson/David Cameron Erotic Fiction Is The New 50 Shades Of Grey, FACT

We're getting all hot under our hoods.

After years of desperate Googling, Binging and Jeevesing, we’ve finally found it: a story about Jeremy Clarkson doing butt stuff with David Cameron.

It’s called 'DAVID CAMERON AND JEREMY CLARKSON HAVING UNUSUAL SEX IN A PREMIER INN: A Sexy Piece Of Fiction', but it’s so much more than that. The salacious story is class-act, from the opening sentence:

“I’m not doing this because I’m gay,” said Jeremy Clarkson, effortlessly sliding his tiny penis into David Cameron’s grotesque anus. “I’m doing it because I hate women. They’re bad drivers, and some of them are old, and that’s fucking disgusting.”

To the glorious cover:

Valentines Day might be over, but it’s never too late to inject some steaming hot satire into your love life.

So if you’re in the mood for reading graphic descriptions of David Cameron’s grotesque anus for the next five minutes (or however long it takes you), buy a copy on Amazon right this very second.

And if you need a little extra to see you through, have a look at the time we illustrated the Bad Sex Awards.