This Simpsons Recipe Blog Will Make Your Dinner (And Life) Spectacular

Deliciously cromulent.

Yesterday we told you about the new Bob’s Burgers recipe book, and your stomach rumbled and grumbled like never before.

And today, you lucky bastards, we present you with a Simpsons recipe blog - news that will be sure to send your belly into a full-scale riot until its sugar-drenched demands are met.

The idea is simple: Eats Like a Donut collects all of the dishes eaten on The Simpsons, by The Simpsons, and presents easy step-by-step guides on how to recreate it.

From 'Marge’s Pork Chops' (served to The Critic, remember?) to 'Milhouse’s Vaseline on Toast’ to Homer’s world-famous Moe-stolen creation ‘The Flaming Homer’, everything is present and accounted for.

So in celebration, we thought we’d provide you with the most exciting recipe on the site: Marge’s boiled celery, from the Hank Scorpio-inspired You Only Move Twice (Season 8 - Episode 2)

Lisa: I’m allergic to everything here. My nose is so stuffed up, I can’t even taste Mom’s delicious boiled celery.

"Celery is a rigid vegetable, but the boiled celery in the above screenshot looks vaguely similar to cabbage or quite possibly boiled paper based on the color and consistency. Since the quote and image were all I had to work with, I wasn’t really sure how to proceed with Marge’s Delicious Boiled Celery recipe. And so, much like a lazy and surly teamster, I decided to just boil the hell out of celery to see what would happen."

Ingredients:

1 Stalk of Celery (per person)
Salt to taste

Directions:

Bring salted water to a boil. Add celery and boil until it appears grey – approximately half an hour. Serve to someone with severe seasonal allergies.

"While this is technically edible, I wouldn’t recommend eating it. It has the taste and consistency of a piece of celery you would find in a soup. Which makes complete sense given that boiling celery in soup is the same as boiling it in salted water. You’re much better off eating celery raw than serving it boiled.

Cromulence: 1 Northern Reticulated Chipmunk out of 10"

 

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