1. When Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt
Would YOUR lousy friends be so creative when they ran out of Santa suits at the shop? Would they go to the shop for you in the first place?! Thought as much.
2. When Joey and Monica saved ALL the trees from fulfilling their 'Christmas destiny'
Your housemates won't even let you get a real tree, let alone fill your (tiny) flat with real ones before they head for the chipper. Thanks guys. Thanks a bunch.
3. When Ross tried to get Ben interested in these people called THE MACABEEEEEEES
Your dad's Christmas stories tend to wind up with how he won over your mam in a Swindon Wetherspoon's. No Macabees or armadillos whatsoever.
4. When Joey got demoted during the holidays and everybody was supportive
OK, Chandler laughed a bit, but not HALF as much as your horrible mates would.
5. When Chandler and Joey put *real* time and effort into their gifts
At least they cared enough to buy them toilet seat covers. And a lemon lime. OR ANYTHING AT ALL, COME TO THINK OF IT.
6. When Monica, Monica, had a happy Channukah
Mainly because SHE LET HER MATES DECORATE THE GODDAMN TREE EVEN IF SHE DID END UP RE-DOING HALF OF IT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT.
7. When Chandler jiggled his belly like a bowl full of jelly
When you grow a belly, everyone just laughs.
8. When everyone respected Joey's life choices despite the medical complications they might induce
When *you* try your hardest to get gout at Christmas, everyone starts 'helpfully' nudging you towards a January gym membership. And makes you chuck away your maternity pants.
9. When the gang simply embraced that family Christmases are terrible
WHY CAN'T WE SPEND CHRISTMAS AT HOME WITH OUR MATES AND NO AUNTIE MABLE, THOUGH!?
10. When Phoebe sang her beautiful Christmas song about all her lovely pals
No one ever included you in a Christmas song, did they. No. They didn't.
11. And finally, when the gang admitted that New Year's Eve was the most overrated night of the year
Just great food, wine, their (super fancy) apartment, and the people they loved best. Sigh.