Welcome. Take a seat. Please prepare yourselves accordingly, for we have some terrible news: Squidward is not actually a squid. He's an octopus.
Although SpongeBob SquarePants creator Stephen Hillenburg actually revealed this as long ago as 2005, we've only just been able to accept the news, and honestly, we're still not coping.
Some fans have been quick to point out that Squidward only has six tentacles, not the required eight, but nonetheless, it's all true. Move over, Octo-deniers, it's time to accept reality.
If you need us, we'll be rocking back and forth in the corner.