If there’s one thing the people love, it’s How I Met Your Mother. If it’s another, it’s a batshit insane theory, and folks do we have a crazy theory for you.
It’s been over two years since Ted Mosby finally met the mother of his incredibly patient, seemingly age-resistant children, and still people are flocking to this show like a goat to a bathroom towel. Seriously, even one of our own writers only just got round to watching it…
But what if the story of How I Met Your Mother wasn’t as innocently navel-gazing, damagingly heteronormative (READ A BOOK) and ultimately as insipid as it seemed? What if… it never happened?
First we had the Rugrats being a figment of Angelica’s grief-stricken imagination, now we have this. What if Ted Mosby was in a coma the entire time…
Ted, a heartbroken twenty something on a boats boats boating trip with his parents, Lily and Marshall, slips into a coma after the mysterious (and hella menacing from the nose up) Captain crashes the family’s rented yacht, forcing him to reflect on what he really wants in life.
On the one hand, there’s Robin. She’s fun, intelligent, successful, caring, good-looking, everything Ted wants to see in himself. But, just as ‘Robin’ can’t commit to Ted, Ted can’t commit to himself at the expense of pursuing his dreams over love.
Barney, on the other hand, represents his base instincts. In Freudian terms, Barney is his Id – constantly ducking responsibility, obsessed with childlike activities like laser tag and indulging every single sexual desire with little regard for who it affects. Basically, Barney is Tyler Durden, but instead of making soap, he tries to sleep with women while pretending to be an OAP.
Lily and Marshall are his parents, and represent Ted’s pre-accident aspirations – to find love, have kids, and live happily ever after. Sure, they had a few bumps along the way, like the time his mum left the family for a few months, but ultimately they’re everything Ted aspires to be. But how does he get there? Well, that’s where his kids come in.
Who are the kids Ted’s talking to? Why, they’re him, obviously. Ted is trying to get himself to wake up, but the violent accident left his mind broken. He’s using his split persona as a sounding board to determine the course of his future happiness, and only when they're satisfied can he wake up.
We’re blowing your mind, right? But WAIT!? What about the pictures in the intro of the whole gang together? FEVER DREAM. Those aren’t photographs, they’re POSSIBLE FUTURES. When Ted wakes up will he be Barney? Robin? Lily and Marshall? Or will he be the ultimate nothing – Ted Mosby (the architect, not the porn star).
Or, obviously, this could all be a load of crap and it’s actually just an incredibly innocuous, middle of the road show that made me laugh six times and ended with all the originality of a Radio 4 panel show.
So which story do you prefer?