From three women fighting a giant turtle to a mud monster grabbing a woman away from her boyfriend via a boxer knocking out a referee, Malcolm In The Middle's opening credits are full of some freaky ass shit.
Ever wondered where the shots are from? Read on, for we are just as clever as Malcolm - and found them all...
Those Weird Malcolm In The Middle Opening Credits DecodedSECRET MEANINGS EVERYWHERE.
1 of 12Malcolm In The Middle fanatics will long have wondered what the hell those weird ass credits actually mean. Monsters? Cavewomen? Anime?! We've decoded it ALL just for you.
2 of 12First up, these three lovely ladies battling a giant turtle: A scene from the movie 'One Million Years BC'!
3 of 12Who's this anime hottie smiling in the rain? Why, it's the character Shiogami from the movie 'Nazca'.
4 of 12This freak emerging from the water would be The Kraken, from 'Clash of the Titans'.
5 of 12More women in peril - more scenes from 'One Million BC'. This designer must have really liked that show.
6 of 12Another cheeky anime dude having a skate sesh - another scene from 'Nazca'. So 90s.
7 of 12Scary muddy monster person stealing lady from her boyfriend - a scene from Creature from the Haunted Sea. A theme is starting to develop here and we're not sure we like it.
8 of 12Classic 'Thrill Seekers' fodder, here (i.e insane people with death wishes doing weird shit on TV).
9 of 12Here we have Canadian Bret Hart wrestling Canadian Chris Benoit (locking him in his finishing move, The Sharpshooter), during the WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match at WCW Mayhem PPV in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Phew!
10 of 12This robot head being put together comes from the series 'Out of the Unknown', and the episode is called 'Liar!'. God, we're good at this research stuff.
11 of 12Check out his bloke beating up a brain monster with an axe (brutal). It's from the movie 'The Brain From Planet Arous' (and no, we still don't understand it).
12 of 12Lastly, here's a clip from that fateful Pedro Cardenas v. Willie DeWitt fight, where a referee was accidentally KO'd during the 1982 North American Championships in Las Vegas. The more you know.
HAL WAS THE BEST DAD, FACT:
13 Times Hal From Malcolm In The Middle Was The Worst DadAt least he's not the boss of us...
1 of 13Comedy CentralMost people remember Hal for being a fantastic father figure. Well, we're here to shatter your world. Remember when he just couldn't help but show off in front of his son? Imagine what that did for Malcolm's self esteem!
2 of 13Comedy CentralAnd when he nearly burned the family home down because of his disgusting addiction?
3 of 13Comedy CentralThat is so heteronormative!
4 of 13Comedy CentralHe's willing to traumatise the kids for the sake of ten minutes of pleasure.
5 of 13Comedy CentralDespite his name, he is not Halal.
6 of 13Comedy CentralHe routinely shirks his duties.
7 of 13Comedy CentralAnd teaches his children that responsibility can be sold.
8 of 13Comedy CentralHe doesn't even understand the basic economics of supply and demand.
9 of 13Comedy CentralSo the cleaning is a woman's job, is it, HAL!?
10 of 13Comedy CentralOh, so it's okay to sell your soul for good looks, is it, HAL!?
11 of 13Comedy CentralNow That's What I Call Slut Shaming, Volume HAL.
12 of 13Comedy CentralWhat more do we have to show you for you to get it into your head...
13 of 13Comedy CentralHal's the worst!
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"I'm going to try to conduct myself in such a way that does not risk global humiliation."