Love is a beautiful thing. Love is finding a soulmate, someone you could spend the rest of your life with, who completes you. Sometimes, it’s someone who wants to suck the milk out of your nipples.
Yep, this couple, this god damn couple, met because Jennifer Mulford wanted to breastfeed her boyfriend. Breastfeed. Her. Adult. Boyfriend. Breastfeed her adult boyfriend. BREASTFEED HER ADULT BOYFRIEND. Now, we don’t mean to kink shame, but there is something a little shocking about a couple that work breastfeeding into their sexy makeout routine.
Now, here’s the really bad thing. To make her non-pregnant breasts lactate, Jennifer’s had to quit her job. Why? So her boyfriend Brad Leeson can suck on her nipples every two hours to trick her body into thinking she’s pregnant… That is a LOT of effort for some milk.
Though, come to mention it, making your own milk at home might not be such a bad idea, as Paul Polman, CEO of Unilever (the makers of Magnum) brought to our attention yesterday. According to Polman, if the UK votes for Brexit later this month, the price of dairy will go up because import duties, which means WAIT FOR IT the price of ice cream will go up…
Seriously, Ukip, can you please chill for just one god damn second. It’s (allegedly) summer right now, and you want to INCREASE THE COST OF A MAGNUM!? THEY’RE ALREADY LIKE £2. TWO BRITISH POUNDS. AND THEY’RE SMALLER THAN THEY USED TO BE. If we vote for Brexit, we’ll be paying £8.50 for a thumbnail of delicious Magnum Infinity. Is that what you want, #VoteLeave?
Speaking of wishing to go back in time to stop the smallening of Magnums, did you see Daniel Radcliffe’s whistle-stop tour of his historical twins on The Tonight Show?
The Harry Potter star was on to see old friend Fallon, after fans on Reddit decided to send in snaps of people who look uncannily like him from throughout history. If you haven’t seen the video, you’re missing out on some time-travelling magic.
So, that’s it for today, go forth, and eat some breastmilk ice cream.